


Inner Workings of the Human Mind

by lopeslg



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Anbu Yamato | Tenzou, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:34:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29663895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lopeslg/pseuds/lopeslg
Summary: Tenzo needs to learn how to be and feel human, but he has a feeling that he won't have to do it alone.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Yamato | Tenzou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Advanced Introduction to Trauma

**Author's Note:**

> So this was sitting on my Drive for a few months and I just decided to post it. I have quite a few chapters already written, but they're still disconnected and it might not (probably won't) make sense, cause there's information and pieces missing.  
> But I think all in all it makes for a fun reading, and maybe posting will be the motivation I need to finish it.
> 
> Any feedback you might wanna give it will be greatly appreciated.
> 
> I do not own any of the characters.  
> English is not my first language, but I tried my best.  
> Thank you, have a fun reading.

The day had been the definition of ordinary. Kakashi woke up after having the same nightmare again and proceeded to go on with his day as usual, but for some reason the coffee tasted especially good today which improved his mood and made him forget about the bad sleep and sweaty pajamas. The coffee beans were from Kusagakure, and in his last mission there Tenzou had been thoughtful enough to bring some as a gift for Kakashi. He remembers the exact day when they found out that they shared this appreciation for coffee. They were running from the pouring rain and instead of finding shelter in the tea house, they found themselves entering the recently opened coffee-shop.  
Kakashi was suspiciously eyeing the menu when he said, “I don’t understand all these different types of coffee that they have. Maa, I bet that they taste the same and it’s just marketing.”   
“Senpai, I doubt that they would do something like this, it might be subtle but I bet that each of these have their different qualities, taste and smell.”

From that conversation the challenge of buying every and each one of the beverages to compare and review them arose, and so they made an afternoon out of it. They each bought a cup of each type and started tasting it and putting down on paper what they thought of it to compare notes afterwards. Kakashi remembers being especially in awe of how much difference there actually was and now looks back to that afternoon with a smile on his face, having spent time with his kouhai at the same time they were acquiring taste for the dark beverage.

After finishing his coffee and eating his breakfast Kakashi went to the training grounds and continued on with his ordinary day until night came. He had just gotten out of the shower when he heard a loud noise coming from the living room. It took a mere second to recognize Tenzou’s chakra. Putting his mask firm in his face and a towel on his waist he moved towards greeting the man.  
Tenzou was absolutely drenched in blood, wearing the entirety of his ANBU uniform, except for the porcelain mask with Cat features which was lying down on the floor beside him, half broken. He was crouching on the floor staring at the carpet like it was the most interesting artifact found in human History. His long dark-brown hair was wet from what Kakashi hoped was someone else’s blood and it was falling down on subdued shoulders and casting shadows on Tenzou’s face.  
“Tenzou? Can you hear me? Are you hurt?”  
“Kakashi, I don’t think I can do this anymore” And his voice was so low, barely a whisper and Kakashi wanted nothing more than kneel in front of his friend and embrace him, comfort him, but he knew better than to touch a shinobi who was clearly still in battle mode.  
“It’s okay, why don’t you take these things off of you and go step on the shower? Then when you’re all cleaned up we can talk. I’ll make you some tea. Is that something you think you can do?”

After a few minutes of silence, Tenzou slowly started taking off his armor. The silver chest plate was now crimson red in almost all of its surface and was the first to be put down on the floor. “I’m sorry about the floor, I’ll clean it up later” and without waiting for a response he kept on taking his clothing. His forehead protector went next, followed by his arm-plates, black gloves and soaked sleevelessshirt. The bottom half of his body took a while longer due to the wrappings and pouches attached to his pants. Kakashi opened his left eye to reveal his Sharingan, using it to better analyze Tenzou. He didn’t seem gravely injured, having sustained only a few minor bruises and cuts to his stomach and sides. The relief in the silver-haired man didn’t last long, because as soon as Tenzou took out the last of his wrappings he completely stopped. And he stood still contemplating the apparent fascinating carpet for what felt like an hour before slowly getting up and moving to the bathroom in small, calculated steps. Usually Kakashi would just cast a genjutsu on the man, subdue him and take him to a hospital, but that would just be hypocritical of him and he would lose the chance to talk through with Tenzou about whatever it was that made his kouhai traumatized enough to come to him in the middle of the night.

After hearing the bathroom door close, Kakashi moved to get the blooded pieces off the floor and into the laundry (though he stopped for a moment calculating whether the trash would be a better destination). He went to the bedroom and eyed the set of pajamas he had already set apart for the evening. The cotton set was dark blue with little white paws stamped all over the pants and shirt. Genma bought it for him, thinking it was such a clever joke, but truth be told he adored the damn thing. It was comfortable as hell and you know what, cute too. When his ninken saw him wearing it they actually gave him extra cuddles, instead of the laughing scoff he was expecting. Contemplating it he imagined how Tenzou would react seeing him wearing it. With a sigh he put it away though, cause tonight wasn't the right time.  
Instead he found two sets of comfortable casual clothing that could pass as pajamas. He dressed himself and then folded the other set on top of the bed for Tenzou to wear. He came back to the living room and after cleaning the floor and heating water for tea, he stopped at the kitchen to listen. The shower had been turned off a while back, but the door had remained shut and silent.  
“Tenzou? Do you need any help?”

Silence… and then “Uhm, no, Senpai. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Turns out a minute in Tenzou's counting is actually worth twenty but eventually he went out and walked towards the kitchen. He had one towel wrapped in his waist, another surrounding his shoulders and a third he was using to dry his hair.   
"I separated some clothes for you, it's in the bedroom on top of the bed"  
"Oh, okay. Thank you" and he disappeared again. With a sigh Kakashi took two mugs out of the cupboard and served the tea in the living room. Tenzou came out a few minutes later dressed in a large grey t-shirt and black sweatpants. He sat beside Kakashi on the couch and took the mug out of the table with both hands. Smelling the tea before taking a deep long gulp. "Thank you, Senpai".  
"You can thank me by telling me what happened."

Tenzou took a deep breath and slowly exhaled before finally facing Kakashi. Their eyes met for the first time this evening. "It was just one of those horrible missions. Misleading incomplete information leading us into a trap. As if things couldn't get any worse one of the enemies was actually a kid." He paused for a few seconds trying unsuccessfully to fight back the tears. When he had absolutely lost that particular battle he continued, only this time his voice was just as broken as the words coming out of his mouth "I saw me in him. I thought I could do for him what you did for me, you know, back when." Kakashi sat closer and pulled Tenzou into a hug, passing his hands through Tenzou's back in what he hoped was a comforting manner. "But I'm not you", Tenzou continued now talking amongst gasps and shallow breathing, "and Kami, I hesitated and because of that the kid got away and everything went to even deeper shit. I managed to kill a lot of them but not before the kid managed to kill Owl."

Well, shit. Kakashi didn't know what to say to that. No comforting words because Tenzou did fail his team and the mission. But it was no longer Kakashi's place to reprimand Tenzou, nor did he want to, really. So better than saying the wrong thing he limited himself to embracing his kouhai and waiting out the crisis. After a while Tenzou pulled away and looked at Kakashi with swollen pleading eyes and red cheeks. "What did you see in me? What made you risk everything for me?"

Kakashi took a few seconds to remember what went through his head that day in an abandoned Orochimaru lab where he almost killed another friend with his chidori, and with cautious and measured words started speaking. "I'm not really sure Tenzou, in our last fight when I pinned you down I was so blind with rage. But even like that I still couldn't go through with it when you suddenly gave up. The second you stopped fighting and surrendered to death I hesitated. Cause this was no longer a fight, it was no longer kill or be killed. I'd just be a tool for someone's suicide. And then I looked in your eyes and saw blank. You weren't angry, or afraid. Neither scared or brave." Kakashi paused and with a deep sigh passed his hands through his hair calculating what to say next.  
In a rare and brave impulse, Kakashi raised his hand to cup Tenzou's cheek. "Even though I didn't finish it, I think who you were did die that night. But that only meant you could be reborn into someone else with a better chance. I knew what Danzou was doing to Root's kids. Stripping you away from any kind of emotion. To someone else maybe that meant you were automatically enemies, lacking empathy. But I knew there was more to you than that. I saw the naive kid that abandoned his mission to protect a girl that he barely knew. There’s so much more to you than just a soldier and I’m just glad I was able to see that."   
Tenzou took a minute to react and when he did he reached his arms to Kakashi's neck and fell into a hug. Kakashi pressed his hands to the younger man’s hip while the other hand stroked the soft brown hair. It was still a bit damp but now so close to his nose he could really feel the smell of walnuts that it exhaled. Distracted by the soft strands stuck through his fingers it took him a minute to notice Tenzou's lips in his cheek. His heart skipped a beat and his stomach turned into a knot with the sudden realization. Tenzou was kissing him.   
In a soft voice, without really taking his lips off the pale face, Tenzou whispered. "Kakashi, I'm glad that you saved me, for no other reason than the fact I had the privilege of having you as a friend."

Kakashi was paralyzed, not wanting to do anything to disturb these precious moments. But he also knew if he just stood there frozen like a rock, Tenzou would eventually just leave feeling unwanted. And that was so far from the truth. So without losing time he put his hand firmly in Tenzou's neck and dared to face him. There was love and what resembled peace in his eyes and that alone made everything worthwhile, even if nothing else would happen. But it did. If Kakashi wasn't paying his undivided attention to Tenzou's every move, he might've missed it. The way Tenzou slowly raised two fingers to Kakashi's mask and pulled down ever so gently. At this point their lips were touching lightly and soft, trying out each other's response. After a long second, Kakashi couldn't help himself and leaned his body into it, pressing harder and squeezing Tenzou's neck safely into place. His gut was already flooding with desire but his mind was still terrified of what was happening. Is this really what Tenzou wanted? What if he's just vulnerable, looking for comfort and Kakashi’s just taking advantage of it?

As if Kakashi’s mind had just been read, Tenzou reciprocated fiercely and poured everything he had into the kiss. Lips now apart, his tongue started licking Kakashi's. Tenzou's hands were in his chest caressing him, and telling a different story than his lips. The kiss told a fable of desperation and need, longing and fear of loss, while the touch in his chest and hair spoke of love, adoration and certainty. At this point Kakashi was too far gone to rationalize any thought. His hands moved from Tenzou's neck and began to explore his body. The shirt he was using was way too large for his muscles, keeping them hidden under soft cotton. His shoulders were leaner than Kakashi’s and his chest was breathing heavily. His thighs were muscular and thick and he could feel Tenzou's erection through the thick layer of fabric. Kakashi separated from the kiss just in time to catch his breath and take his shirt off. Brief moments were still too long before he was already forcing his body on top of Tenzou’s once again, laying down on top of him on the couch. Tenzou's legs wrapped around his thighs and they resumed kissing deeply, like they were never apart to begin with. Kakashi was now painfully hard and couldn't help but grind his dick into Tenzou's stomach, which got a delicious moan out of his kouhai’s mouth. He wants this too, Kakashi thought. There's nothing even similar to guilt or doubt in the way Tenzou's body was now moving. His eyes were closed and his mouth open and inviting, his arms holding on to Kakashi's biceps like his life depended on it.

This is it, Kakashi thought. After all this time I can have him. Cause he's giving himself to me. This kind of trust took his desire further. He reached into Tenzou's pants and held him and stroked him. To get a better angle Kakashi broke up the kiss and leaned into Tenzou's neck and started kissing and licking the thin skin. It was so warm and inviting and so preparing himself to stroke harder he went and bit Tenzou's neck, who in turn moaned loud and desperate. 

Except that no, wait. Wait.

That wasn't a moan, it was a scream. Kakashi froze and waited, too afraid to look. That's when he heard. Tenzou was starting to sob, "please…" he said "please, get off me. Let me go."  
The next few moments passed by in a tick of a clock. Kakashi stared at Tenzou's face while the other pushed him off and ran away out the door which was now closing loudly with a bang.   
In the same tick, terrified and shaking Kakashi put his face in his hands and wondered, "Oh, Kami, what did I just do?"

  
  
  



	2. Introduction to Social Mannerisms and the Subtlety of Banter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenzou’s first mission in ANBU.  
> He likes coffee, Kakashi likes bubbly baths and they're both adorable little beans.

"Congratulations, Cat-san. You are now officially one of us."  
I belong, he thought. That's what these words really meant. I am part of something, a member, an important piece of something larger. This is the beginning of the rest of my life. It feels… nice.   
With a warm new feeling in his stomach Tenzou looked around once again to take in every aspect of his new bedroom. It was ridiculously small, with a bed tucked in the corner and a desk with a chair underneath the only window. On the opposite side there was a small door leading to the bathroom which was, in turn, ridiculously oversized. It had a bathtub on it and a large cabinet under the sink with way too much space in between. "Who designed this?" Tenzou thought with a sigh. He much preferred more space in the bedroom, but oh well. Kakashi-senpai said he reserved this specific room especially for Tenzou, so he felt guilty for complaining and made an effort to be thankful instead. At least there's a decent view of the gardens through the window.  
Cursing himself for the second time in half an hour, Tenzou forced himself to be grateful and content that he had this to himself. At Root the bedrooms were shared among other members and so were the bathrooms. He supposes he's complaining not because his new bedroom is bad or anything, it's probably because for the last month he was staying in Kakashi's apartment and that was better than a five star inn. 

He remembers being extremely confused when his now Captain came to him and said that he was now his temporary guardian (whatever that means) and he was to live with him until he could be officially welcomed into ANBU. The confusion only lasted for a second, because the wave of excitement that washed over him quickly subdued anything else. He didn't know much about the guy with pretty silver hair. Only what was on the file given to him for what he now calls the "fatidical dumb mission", where he foolishly tried to steal Kakashi’s eye. Kakashi Hatake was a respected leaf shinobi, had one eye with an ever awaken Sharingan, had become chunin at six, jounin at eleven, fought a war, had become an ANBU captain at sixteen, had been trained by the Yondaime himself, created a deathly lightning jutsu (this part was hard to forget, since he had the pleasure of watching the cursed jutsu being very close to his chest) and, hm what else, oh yes, lost everyone he ever loved.

But to Tenzou none of this mattered much. To him Kakashi was Senpai. The person who saved him and saw him as a human, as opposed to a mere somewhat successful experiment or even a tool used to kill. One night when they were trying to pass time and kill the tension that comes with two strangers being together in a small apartment, Kakashi said jokingly when opening the second bottle of sake, if Tenzou would ever thank him for saving his life. That was the first time Tenzou felt what he would later discover was called embarrassment. His cheeks burned hot and something pulled his face down and away from Kakashi's eyes. His Senpai had laughed even louder and just poured more sake.  
But now, sober and contemplative while lying in his somewhat comfortable bed (it's actually better than Kakashi's couch) Tenzou asked himself why didn’t he thank Kakashi. It should have been something natural that just came to his lips but it didn't. "Thank you for saving my life, Senpai", Tenzou whispered to himself. Hmm, that still doesn't feel quite right.

Before launching himself into a deep investigation of why's and how's a soft knock echoed through the room.  
"Cat-san, you have a mission. Your captain is waiting for you in the Hokage tower."

The first mission was simple. It’s main purpose was to test Tenzou in a team and how he behaved himself in the field under direct orders. They were supposed to travel all the way to Kuzagakure and escort back a small company of nobles that intended to visit Konohagukure for some diplomatic campaign. The other two members of the team were kinda weird, but mostly kept to themselves after Kakashi gave them “The Glare”. At first they were fussing all over Tenzou asking him questions he didn’t fully understand and then moving on to belittling his hair. It was suffocating and frustrating, because even though Tenzou considered himself somewhat smart, he couldn’t for the life of him keep up with those two. When he was beginning to consider actually becoming a missing-nin to escape his fellow comrades, Kakashi had arrived, annoyingly late at the gate and instead of greeting them, he stood tall and just glared. The two other ANBU, Rabbit and Rat (Tenzou didn’t bother to learn their actual names) instantly stood still and quiet. Kakashi, who seemed particularly amused with himself, proceeded to say in a low voice, which sounded more like a growl “Stand in formation, we’re leaving now.”  
“Yes, Kakashi-Taichou”, both shinobi answered in unison.

The running was fun. It was familiar and easy. Even when his lungs started burning, Tenzou felt comfortable and confident in his pace. He loved the forest, the way the branches supported his weight, strong and unmovable. They ran through the whole day only stopping to eat some rations at noon. Which was great cause it meant silence. It’s not that Tenzou didn’t like to be around people, he just didn’t know how to carry himself when it was a social setting. Which became painfully clear when they were camping later on and Kakashi was off Kami knows where, doing Kami knows what. Which left Tenzou alone with Rabbit and Rat. They didn’t bother him too much, though. The thing that caught Tenzou’s attention was the way they treated each other. They were basically cursing and calling each other names, which to Tenzou meant fighting and rivalry. Enemies. But then after a particularly nasty word came out of Rat’s mouth, Rabbit just turned his head upwards and barked out a laugh. What? That gave the sake a run for his money because Tenzou’s head spinned harder than it did when he was drinking with Senpai. They were cruel to each other without actually fighting and breaking apart. They were basically inseparable, so Tenzou presumed they didn’t actually hate each other? Before musking up the courage to ask them about it Kakashi showed up and sat down with them, taking his weapons pouch out of his legs and beginning the ritual of cleaning them up. The ANBU quieted down a bit, only speaking about subjects that were mission-related. After a while they went to sleep and Tenzou offered to take the first watch. He wanted some time alone with his thoughts to mull over his new social experiences.

They got to Kuzagakure a day earlier than planned and so Kakashi waved them off lazily saying “Spend some time in the city, getting to know more about it. Enjoy yourselves, just not too much and report early tomorrow at the rendezvous point.” with a lazy salute he was gone in a whirl of leaves.  
Rabbit and Rat looked happily at each other and hopped away not giving Tenzou a second thought. Oh, okay. Whatever then. Tenzou looked around the village to observe everything. The market was crowded, with civilians and shinobi alike. It wasn't as big as Konoha’s central district but it had different stands and products. Not having much of a choice, Tenzou perused around looking at the different stands and trying to have some sort of “small talk” with the vendors. He didn’t have a lot of money on him. Kakashi had given him some saying it was temporary and he absolutely expected to be paid back fully when Tenzou started gaining money from missions. Back at Root he didn’t need to concern himself with currency. Everything he needed (and that wasn’t much) was given to him by Danzou. They always ate in the compound where they lived and that was it. No money needed.  
But now, when he turned into a corner he regretted not having more of it with him, because he was taken aback by the heavenly smell that hit his nostrils. Drawn to it he made his way to the stand where the smell was stronger and asked what was that. “Ah, the best coffee in all of the five great Villages!”, the vendor said enthusiastically. Tenzou believed him and bought whatever he could. He sat down by a bench near a small fountain and took small sips of the hot black beverage. Even though it was bitter, it tasted like a cold swim on a hot day. Everything he needed and didn't even know. Not even the most bitter teas tasted like this. It just didn't hold a candle. Tenzou had his first tea in Kakashi's apartment and enjoyed it thoroughly but still, this was something else. 

He made a mental note of asking Kakashi for more money to buy more and take it home with him. Not even the overwhelming embarrassment of having to beg for more money waved his resolution of needing to have more of this.  
The day after that went by slowly, though the first couple of hours were amusing and filled with new things, when he went through all of the vendors and stores he felt bored and uneasy. "now what?" He wished Kakashi was here talking to him. He discovered on the first day of the mission that there were 2 Kakashi's. The Hound - captain, shinobi, profesional, serious, graceful, deadly and, surprisingly, aloof. And the second one was his favourite, his Kakashi… the one that presented himself when it was just the two of them. At first he had been distant and serious, but soon became less tense around Tenzou, making jokes, slightly inappropriate comments and snarky remarks. But it wasn't anything like what Rabbit and  Rat did. Kakashi was polite and attentive, asking Tenzou's personal questions with the utmost respect and care "I'm thinking about cooking miso soup, is that something you like?" He had asked the first night they were alone.  "Do you need clothes to sleep and stuff like that? I was thinking we should go out and get these things for you, if it's okay with you".

Which is why his stay at Kakashi's apartment was something he missed deeply already. It wasn't just because the amazing food Kakashi could make, or the funny challenges with someone named Guy that he loved to share with Tenzou. It wasn't even the fact that one night Tenzou woke up with an extra blanket on top of him and a pair of socks in his feet that he was clueless yet extremely grateful about. But it was everything. It was the way Kakashi rubbed his chin when he was especially involved in an Icha Icha chapter, or the way he moved gracefully and confidently around the kitchen when preparing their meals. And especially, his hair. One time he came home grumpy and just threw himself on the sofa where the rays of the sun projected through the window. And Tenzou watched amazed when the silver hair caught the light and shimmered. This effect was aggravated when Kakashi passed his fingers through the strands shuffling his own hair with ease. The strands fell loosely around Kakashi's hitai-ate and Tenzou could just cease to exist right then and there. Completely at peace. That quickly changed when he noticed Kakashi said something to him and was actually waiting for something as preposterous as a response. The look in the one eye was of something Tenzou hoped was curiosity, but it could have been annoyance and so when his mind failed him completely his body took over and did the thing he hated the most. His cheeks burned, his eyes cringed and looked down and his teeth did that unnerving thing of biting his lower lip with the sole purpose of avoiding a grunt. 

Away from his memories and back to the present he walked around a bit more until he finally caught sight of Rat and Rabbit. They were inside a building that looked suspiciously inconspicuous. It was a bar. Tenzou walked in and sat down near his fellow shinobi. "Tenzou!! Here to drown your sorrows? Have a drink with us!", Rat shouted with an amazing cheerful tone.  
"Uhm, I don't really have any money."  
They looked at him with an incredulous look that soon turned into comprehension and what was that? 'Pity? Hm. I don't think I particularly like that'  
"Don't worry, it's on us. For celebrating your first mission", Rabbit quickly added, trying to contain the situation. Rat turned to the bartender and ordered "the sweetest and more colorful drink you can manage to make that will still get this kid drunk."

And surely enough, behold. The newly baptized "Rainbow concoction". It honestly looked like a unicorn threw up in the cup. Well, not one to shy away from experimenting, Tenzou took a sip and was violently taken aback by the overwhelming sweet taste of that damn thing. And somehow underneath that he still tasted the bitterness of alcohol. "I think this has the potential of actually killing me", Tenzou said. His face was still deformed by the taste of the drink. Before Rat and Rabbit could do more damage, Kakashi walked in and took a sip of the colorful monstrosity. He gave absolutely nothing away, and only looked at the bartender and kindly asked "another one of these, please".  
They actually knew better than getting drunk this close to a mission, so one cup was all that  Tenzou needed before he walked with his team back to an inn where Kakashi had paid for two different rooms. Unsurprisingly, Rat and Rabbit took one and Kakashi and Tenzou took the other. The room was very modest, containing two beds, a desk and one night stand. The bathroom had a bathtub and a large mirror hanging above the sink.

"I'm gonna take a bath, don't disturb me, even if it's an emergency", Kakashi said with a fake eye smile and went ahead to the bathroom closing the door behind him.   
With nothing else to do, Tenzou laid down in one of the beds and took a mental note of asking Kakashi for money and asking him why he put Rat and Rabbit together in the same room if all they do is curse at each other. It would have to wait though, cause Tenzou was exhausted and fell into a heavy sleep (as heavy as a shinobi could anyways).

When he woke up hungry and lazy it was already dark outside and Kakashi was laying in his bed with his faithful book in his hands. “Good morning, sunshine. You should hurry up and take a shower so we can go out to get some food.”  
After the shower Tenzou sat in the bed and was going to brush his hair when Kakashi sat beside him and in a surprisingly shy voice asked “Can I?”  
“You’re not offering just so you can sneakily cut it out, right?” Tenzou asked, half suspicious and half excited and already handing the brush to Kakashi.  
“What? I would never do that. What makes you say that?” Kakashi answered with a tone that scared Tenzou for a minute, since the words were covered by hurt.  
“Oh, I don’t know… It’s just before the mission, Rat and Rabbit were talking to me about how I should cut it, because it’s a liability and our enemies would have no problem taking advantage of it.” Tenzou said remembering how mean they were about it. Touching and pulling his hair in a disapproval manner. 

“Well, if you like it then you should keep it like this. But they’re not completely wrong. Just be extra careful when you’re fighting, alright?” Kakashi said while calmly brushing the brown damp strands. The touch felt nice. Apart from the unpleasant experience with both ANBU, no one had ever touched his hair. Especially not like this. Before he could think of something else to say, Kakashi was done and moving away, so in an alarming and desperate voice Tenzou asked Kakashi if he could also braid his hair for him. Which was stupid cause he never wore it like that. "I don't think I know how." Kakashi answered.  
"Aren't you supposed to be a genius or something, Senpai? I'm sure you can manage."   
Afraid of how harsh and impolite that sounded Tenzou added in a softer tone "please?".

His heart was beating fast, but it soon calmed down when Kakashi moved behind Tenzou to resume caring for his hair. Kakashi obviously didn't know what he was doing but the touch was soothing, so Tenzou didn't care. Enjoying the moment alone with his Senpai, Tenzou started crossing his mental list of questions. "Senpai? Aren't teammates supposed to get along?"  
"Hm, not necessarily. They just need to be able to cooperate and behave professionally in a mission. They don't need to be friends or anything like that. Hell, I don't like half of the ANBU I have to work with".  
Tenzou frowned. He understood the concept of working together just fine. After all that's something he often did at Root. But that didn't explain how Rat and Rabbit seemed to like each other and still behave like they did. He was trying to recalculate the question when Kakashi interrupted his thinking. "Hm, not the answer you were looking for? What's on your mind?"  
"It's just I was watching Rat and Rabbit interacting. They act like they hate each other but are always together laughing around all the same."

After a while Kakashi began explaining what he could to Tenzou.  
“They are actually very fond of each other, and have been one of the strongest pairs in ANBU for a while now. I can’t tell you with complete certainty, because one can never really understand someone else’s relationships; but what they do is actually just banter; They don’t really mean the harsh things, they care about each other. It’s just joking around is how they feel comfortable showing that. I do that with Genma very often. We insult each other while sharing drinks. And we do care about each other, I guess. I mean I would do everything I possibly can to protect him like in a mission or something, you know? Not that...”   
Feeling like every word was another senbon to his heart, Tenzou interrupted his Senpai before he could continue with what had become a blabbering speech.  
“Do you brush his hair too?” Tenzou blurted out before even realizing it;  
“Oh, uhm, no. Never” Kakashi got up like the bed was on fire and moved to the other end of the room mumbling something about hunger and food and closing hour;  
Tenzou sighed and noticed how his hair was still loose, and had to fight a small smirk that was threatening to creep on his lips. Not wanting to waste time, he got up to accompany Kakashi’s to the nearest restaurant they found.

Apart from the orders and some generic comments about the mission and the city they didn’t speak until they were finished with their meal. When the check came, Tenzou immediately felt his neck becoming hot and his face turning red. He forgot he still didn’t actually have any more money.   
“What’s wrong?” Kakashi said when he noticed Tenzou’s stiff posture.  
“I’m sorry, I spent all of the money you gave me. I was actually going to ask you if I could have some more before we return home. I swear I’ll pay you back as soon as I get the pay for this mission.”  
“Oh, okay. Sure.” Kakashi paid the check with a few bills and gave the rest to Tenzou.  
“You’re not upset?” Tenzou asked, expecting a whole more resistance.  
“Of course not. I’m sure you wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important for you. Just keep in mind that it’s good practice to always have some amount on you. You never know when you may need it.” 

The next morning, Tenzou excused himself and went to the coffee vendor to get some beans to take home with him. Since he had no idea how to transform beans into the actual beverage he asked for instructions and then left. He met the rest of his team on the rendezvous point and they proceeded with the mission. They needed to walk the way back instead of running, since they were escorting civilians. The trip would take three days longer because of it. Besides an encounter with low level ninjas halfway through, the journey back home was calm and boring and so his first mission in ANBU under the command of Kakashi was officially a success and he felt happiness.


	3. The Delicacies of Culinary Arts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter introduces Itachi as the new member of the team and solidifies the Friday Night tradition that Tenzou and Kakashi have. Just building their relationship. Short fluffy interaction

A year into ANBU and Tenzou felt like he was born to serve Konoha. Kakashi referred to that as the Will of Fire. He explained how the urge to protect the village and its citizens as well as your fellow shinobi was ingrained in almost every one that wore the hitai-ate with the Leaf symbol.  
“I think I remember Danzou mentioning that, but at the time it didn’t feel as inspirational as your making it out to be, Senpai.”  
“That’s because Danzou only deludes himself into thinking he’s doing what’s best for Konoha. But everything he does has a hint of malice and a lot of selfish reasons behind it. I don’t understand why Lord Sandaime indulges him like that, giving him the time of the day and a ridiculous high place in the Council. Especially after the assassination attempt. If it was up to me and any other rational shinobi in the village, the traitor would have been killed the very next day and forgotten, barely even mentioned in History books footnotes.”  
Tenzou winced at that. He remembered the incident in question painfully well. Hell, he had been a crucial part of it even. But a few years had passed since that and Kakashi always reiterated that Tenzou was just a kid that literally didn’t know any better and was cruelly manipulated by someone with power and influence over him.  
“But I don’t wanna think about that man tonight. If we keep talking about him, it’ll sour my mood and this fish stew won’t taste as good. Are you done slicing the tomatoes? Pass them to me.” Kakashi said while putting salt in the pots on the stove. The smell was delicious as usual and Tenzou happily obliged by changing the subject to something lighter.   
“Senpai, is it true that they recruited an Uchiha to ANBU? It was what everybody was whispering about early this morning in the lockers.”  
Kakashi frowned and said in an annoyed tone, “Kami, you guys gossip more than the old ladies that hang around at the market the whole day.”  
“Well, talking about different steel qualities for kunais and the most efficient antidotes for senbon poisons gets boring really fast, Senpai. Besides, there’s talk that he was as young as you were when you were recruited.”  
“You shouldn’t listen to locker talk. They’re wrong, of course. I was definitely younger than Itachi is now when I got recruited”, Kakashi said with a smirk hidden behind the mask. 

Surprised, Tenzou exclaimed, “So it is true! Do you know who he’ll be assigned to yet? Is he really that good at genjutsu?”  
“Calm down, Tenzou. You’re gonna make me jealous, I thought I was the only one you were ever this captivated about.”

Tenzou blushed. Fiercely.  
Kakashi laughed and started putting the plates on the table and continued on like he didn’t just make Tenzou want to bury his face in the ground, “He is indeed quite talented. I admit I was slightly impressed when I tested him. I guess that answers your question. He’ll be put under my command and will join us for missions for now on. We’ll test him out and if he’s a good fit he’ll be part of our team.”

Ever since Tenzou joined ANBU he always paired up with Kakashi for missions because they worked well together, their skills complemented each other and they just knew what the other one was thinking of doing before any hand signs were made.  
The problem was the other assigned members. They hadn’t found anyone that matched their pace yet. They were always a step behind, even the most talented ones. So it was always someone new or different pairs. The missions they were assigned to usually required Kakashi’s excellent tracking skills and Tenzou’s stealth abilities, and so more often than not the teams were made of three to four members. When there was a fourth, it was usually a medic-nin that mostly hung back supporting backup and medical assistance in case it was needed. Tenzou looked into learning medic jutsu himself, so they wouldn't have to occupy some other poor shinobi, but he found that it was extremely difficult and really didn’t care for it at all. So he just learned the basics and was done with it. He asked Kakashi if he had ever took interest in it and got a very crude “I excel at frontal and offensive attacks, as well as getting a perfect read of our surroundings and our enemies talents and weaknesses, not to mention that my natural role of leadership makes a big difference in team dynamics and on the frontal lines. Putting me in any other capacity would just be ridiculously poor tactics.”

They finished their meal and opened the sake bottle.  
“Thank you for the food, Senpai. It was as lovely as ever. I don’t know how you can make something simple taste so good.”  
“I had a lot of practice, I guess.” Kakashi said in a somber tone that made Tenzou regret complimenting the man.

In these situations, which were unfortunately common enough, Tenzou discovered that nothing made Kakashi light up faster than hearing something embarrassing about his kouhai. “You know, the only time I lit up a stove was when I went down to the kitchen in the barracks to make the coffee I bought in our first mission together. I actually had to bribe the chef lady with some to let me use it. And even then she didn’t leave my side, which turned out to be a good thing because I would have surely set the whole kitchen on fire if she hadn’t helped me.”  
That immediately sparked Kakashi’s interest, “Really? That’s what you spent all your money on?” He then filled a cup with an unusually generous amount of sake and gave it to Tenzou.  
“Well, you should try it, you know. I think you’ll grow fond of it. Ever since then I didn’t find coffee that tasted quite like that. It was really good, and I was actually really lucky to find it.”  
“Hmm, I don’t mind the taste that much. I drink tea often enough. Though I admit I have more of a sweet tooth than most. I’ve been warned a god-awful lot of times that I shouldn't put so much sugar on stuff, but life is bitter enough as it is.”

Tenzou poured himself and his captain another cup of sake.  
“I get it… But I just focus on what comes after the initial bitterness. You know, to taste underneath the underneath.” Tenzou said with a half-smile of mischief, already feeling the effects of having drank the first cup way too fast. It was really full. How big are these cups?  
“Ah, yes. Well, as a respected ninja I should try and do the same someday. Anything that makes you spend an entire month worth of C-missions must indeed have some sort of appeal.”

Tenzou was flabbergasted. He remembers spending everything he had, but that means he didn’t have that much to begin with. Right? So in an incredulous tone he answered,  “No way, Senpai. Was it really that much? What I bought only lasted for a couple of weeks.”  
Kakashi just laughed it off and said something about how Tenzou was clueless and worse than a child when it came to handling money early on. 

After a particular comment regarding bubble baths and wood scented bath salts that at made Tenzou blush hard and throw a cushion in his Senpai’s direction, Kakashi got up and said it was late and they should sleep. He brought Tenzo a pillow and a thick blanket and said goodnight.  
Tenzou really didn’t want to go to sleep, but after seeing how the improvised weapon he had thrown landed on the wall behind Kakashi instead of his Senpai’s face (which was the intended target), he admitted it was better to call it a night after all.

The next day they met Itachi on one of the farthest training grounds that was usually less occupied and quick polite introductions were exchanged.


	4. Lessons in Botany and Self-Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenzou recalls a conversation with Itachi that led him into using his mokuton to grow and care for plants as a hobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is meant to be a cute interaction between two teammates, to build their relationship and show how they care for one another in their own emotionally constipated way. It's totally a filler. Nah, let's call it "worldbuilding"

It was Tenzou’s day off. So he took advantage of the rare occasion to tend to the various plants he was cultivating. They were set on simple vases of varying sizes and were all spread around his room. He had to create wooden shelves to support them and even then there was not enough space. Between his architecture and botanical books, he barely had room to store his personal weapons and supplies. It all started out innocently enough. After a productive conversation with Itachi he began to redirect his chakra to grow smaller trees and to build objects that weren’t actually intended to kill, stab or maim someone. And for that he would always be grateful to his fellow teammate. At first the creations were brute and didn’t hold much beauty. They were sturdy and effective, like he was always taught to make. But with practice he started making different shapes and more delicate things like a cactus and a wooden figurine of a dog. The cactus was meant as a gift for Itachi, since because of him, his set of skills had grown significantly and it gave new meaning to Tenzou’s power. And the dog figurine he made thinking of Kakashi, but it was still rough and, well, if he’s being honest to himself, ugly. So he just put it in his drawer for future reference on what not to do.  
When he gave the cactus to Itachi the kid’s face lit up and he thanked Tenzou so many times, to the point he was actually blushing and having no idea what to say anymore. Which made the occasion especially curious, since he rarely saw Itachi showing his feelings so openly and the only other person capable of embarrassing Tenzou like this up until this point was Kakashi. 

A few days later Itachi came to him and gave him another vase with an arrangement consisting of a few white and yellow chrysanthemums. The ceramic vase was beautifully decorated with white and blue patterns and held a prominent place underneath the window, to get the most out of the sunrays. Itachi gave it to him saying it was good practice to take care of such an especime because Tenzou would need to train and control his chakra even more, allowing him to connect to the nature chakra imbued in the plant and give him deeper comprehension of his abilities range.   
Ever since then Tenzou was able to care for various types of plants and trees and was starting to be able to create some basic violets with various colors. Fondly directing some chakra to his favorite arrangement (don’t tell the others), he remembered the conversation that led to all of this.   
They were sitting underneath a tree after a particular intense sparring session. Kakashi had left to attend to some matters and left them both too exhausted and sore to move, so they sought shelter from the violent sunrays and allowed themselves to relax.

“I hope I’m not being too forward or invasive, but I was wondering if you can tell me how you mastered the power of the Shodaime.”  
Tenzou didn’t mind talking about his mokuton. It was something that he lived with his entire life. He didn’t know how many people actually knew about the Orochimaru experiments, besides those with the high enough clearance, but he knew it was something the smartest ones would be able to easily deduce. Most of them would be sensible enough to not actually ask him outright, but when Itachi asked with the most cautious and polite tone, he had no problem telling him about everything. He liked Itachi. They were alike in many ways and their conversations would often end in an epiphany or be followed by deep long silences. He was comfortable either way.  
“Oh, when Orochimaru was still in the village he was secretly performing all kinds of experiments on humans. He continued the research on the Shodaime’s cells and DNA. Even before him, Konoha was trying to recreate the Mokuton, knowing that it was a powerful way to contain the Kyuubi. But they were implementing the cells in grown shinobis and they reacted violently to it, rendering the experiments a gory failure. Orochimaru then knew better and tried it out on kids, expecting the results to be better. Well, obviously he didn’t have volunteers so he started grabbing orphans and lonely children that wouldn’t be missed right away. I was one of those. Not really sure which. I don’t remember anything from my early childhood. Nothing about my parents or my origins. The first memory I have is of being surrounded by other kids suspended on tanks by wires.” Tenzou paused and looked at Itachi, hoping that the Uchiha hadn’t been scared away by the sudden oversharing mood that he suddenly found himself in. Itachi looked at him contemplatively and with a patient encouraging face, asked him a question to keep him going, “so, are there others?”  
“Hm, no, I don’t believe so. I remember their bodies being taken away from the tanks one by one. I was the only one that made it. I don’t understand why. Maybe my distant relatives are Senju or it was just a betting game that I won.”  
“I’m sorry. No kid should be able to go through something like that. All these things were being done under our noses and no one did anything to stop it.” Itachi grew angrier with every word. Tenzou understood the feeling. If he saw some kid being used like this he wouldn’t hesitate to bring those responsible down. Even in the middle of the war, nothing justified sacrificing little kids. And yet…  
“I know that what was done to me was wrong and reprehensible but…”  
“But it gave you something unique.” Itachi finished his thought for him.  
“It made  _ me _ unique, yes. And it’s something I love. When I had nothing else, I had this. I could always rely on it to protect me. And now that I’m in a better place surrounded by better people, I still love what I can do and I can’t imagine myself ever giving it up.”   
“What are the extents of what you can do?” Itachi asked in a more cheerful tone, hoping to lead the conversation towards a softer ground.  
“Well, I have a decent range. Offensively, defensively. I learned to use seeds to track and I can also blend pretty easily within wooden environments. I’m also practicing my wood clones now. They’re getting pretty good. I know I don’t hold a candle to what Hashirama could do, but well, the man created the concept of what a legend is, so I try not to dwell on that too much.”  
“No, I know what you can do in a battle. I meant outside of it.” 

Tenzou got caught off guard. He never thought about it that way. “What do you mean? Like if I can use it for more civilian stuff?”  
“Yes, I was thinking if you can shoot wooden beams, that probably means you can manipulate their growth and shape. So you would be an excellent gardener or carpenter or something like that.” He delivered that last line with a smile, as if he was laughing at his own joke. Maybe he meant it that way but it did make Tenzou considerate that. He said goodbye to Itachi and ran to the woods to try some new things out.


	5. Applied Teamwork Construction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenzou relieves painful memories after entering a laboratory that once belonged to Orochimaru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another cute shameless little filler.  
> Watch out for tooth cavities.

“It’s fine, I can do this. I accept what was done to me and acknowledge that something beautiful came out of it and that’s the part I have to focus on.” Tenzou kept repeating these words in his head over and over again like a mantra while he and Kakashi roamed through the gloom halls of what once was a huge laboratory commanded by one of the legendary Sannin, Orochimaru. Tenzou tried very hard to not wince when they opened a door and entered a large room filled with tanks that were large enough to contain bodies. Some of them were broken and shattered all over the ground, but there were a couple still standing and filled with the awful liquid that Tenzou was horribly familiar with. Thankfully, aside from the ghastly green water, the tank was empty.  
“Doesn’t look like anyone’s been here for a while. Me and Itachi will finish up the sweep and retrieve the scrolls and papers we found back in the main room. You can guard the outside entrance.”  
“Senpai, no, I can…”  
“We have no use for you, between mine and Crow’s sharingan we can peruse through the documents easier. Go get Crow and then follow your orders.”  
“Yes, Hound-Taichou”

Tenzou could hide his feelings well, it was part of his training ever since he learned how to hold a kunai. He thought he did an excellent job now, but apparently that wasn’t true. He hated that this was something that could still make him feel weak and be unable to perform the mission. But honestly, he was thankful for the excuse to leave that was just handed to him in a silver platter.

When he left Kakashi he had to walk through another room filled with ghosts, dust and despair. It was a dormitory. And the row of beds were small and he knew this was a mistake but his body was moving independently now. He allowed himself to expect the contents of the room a little bit closer. The pillowcases, once white, were now brown encased with dust. The beds were all made and besides each one of them there was a small desk with a chair. Every desk had different objects sitting on top of it, varying to scrolls and books, and personal objects. Some desks had framed photographs on top of it, but Tenzou stopped himself from looking at them for a second longer. This was different then, he thought. Orochimaru was doing something else to the kids here, they were probably older, awake and aware. So to make them compliant the Sannin let them indulge in personal attachments and made them think they still had a life beyond these walls. Tenzou needed to get out of here, he knew. But before reaching the other end of the room his heart stopped, when he saw on one of the beds a small stuffed dog missing one eye, whilst the other was hanging by a thread. Before he could make sense of anything he was back at the camp they set up, kneeled down by the lake and trying his very best to remember what it was like to breathe. Has it always been this hard? He remembered the theory well enough. Inhale, then exhale. His hands were shaking and besides the large body of water right in front of him, he couldn’t sense anything else in his surroundings. And that’s a very bad thing for a shinobi. Breathe, Tenzou. Just breathe. At first it was his own inner voice saying that, but after a while he noticed it was Kakashi’s voice.

  
“Tenzou, focus on your breathing.”  
It still took what it felt like forever to make his breathing steady again, in a rhythmic pace that was acceptable for a human being.  
“Okay, I’m okay. I think”, he managed to say in a voice he didn’t recognize as his own.  
“Come here”, Kakashi said in a sweet low voice and before Tenzou could react he found himself in his Senpai’s arms. He allowed himself to relax and was still focusing on his breathing, afraid that it would suddenly become something impossibly hard again, he began apologizing, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I thought I could handle it but it was just a bit too much, I’m sorry.”   
“What happened?”  
“I just saw all these things, but then it wasn’t just things. It was the lives of so many children that never had a chance to be their own person, and to think he’s still out there probably doing this to more and more poor souls. And I don’t think the village has any intention of catching him any time soon.”  
“Shh, just focus on me, alright? Focus on getting better and once you’re feeling alright we’ll talk about this. But for now just clear your mind.” Tightening his arms around Tenzou, Kakashi started whispering words of encouragement. 

Tenzou accepted the comfort and just drifted off to sleep. Next thing he knew, it was dark outside and he felt incredibly cold and... when did he get into his sleeping bag? There was a fire burning in the center of the clearing and he could see Itachi and Kakashi whispering amongst themselves in a farther corner of the camp.   
“He’s right, you know. This wasn’t even labeled as an S-rank mission. It’s just common practice to send a strong team to pursue any lead regarding Orochimaru, but actually finding him is really low on the list of the Sandaime’s priorities.”  
“Sh, he’s awake.”  
“Come here to eat. You need it to regain your physical strength.” Kakashi said in a normal pitch knowing Tenzou would recognize it as directed to him.

He slowly got up feeling a pressure on the sides of his head. That was probably due to all the crying that happened between his failed attempt at functioning normally early that day. He covered his shoulders in the blanket that was lying on top of him and sat down between Kakashi and Itachi near the fire. He needed all the heat he could get. He was freezing, but somehow both his teammates were sitting around looking comfortable in only their ANBU issued shirts. Kakashi had its shoulders bare, but at least Itachi had the common sense to actually have sleeves in his shirt.   
“What did I miss?” Tenzou said shivering but managed to grab some rations bars and water without making a complete fool of himself.  
“Nothing much, Itachi retrieved what he could from the laboratory while I stayed here with you.”  
Tenzou immediately stopped chewing his food, opting to drink a long gulp of water to clear his mouth for an apology.  
“Stop apologizing. No one blames you for reacting the way you did.” Kakashi said in a stern voice, but with a gentle eye.

They didn’t speak for the rest of the time Tenzou took to finish eating. When he was done, it was Itachi who said he would take first watch and that the others should sleep and get as much rest as they could for the journey home.  
Tenzou’s heart accelerated with the premise of having to go back to the iglu that was his sleeping bag. Unconsciously he got close to Kakashi until their shoulders were touching. His hands, convinced how little heat the tiny area of contact was transmitting, decided to curl around Kakashi’s forearm. The man lifted an eyebrow as high as his hitai-ate but didn’t pull away. Instead he looked at Tenzou and asked him what was wrong.  
“I’m just cold, but we didn’t bring any winter attire.”  
“Take Itachi’s blanket, he won’t be using it.” Kakashi was on the way to getting up, but Tenzou didn’t want to be alone and consequences be damned he squeezed Kakashi’s arms harder. With a deep sigh, Kakashi pondered for a minute before looking at Itachi, whose face was covered in shadows and then extended his free hand to Tenzou, “alright, let’s go.”

Tenzou, happy for another point of contact, took his Senpai’s hand and let himself be pushed away from his evil sleeping bag and instead they headed to Kakashi’s who was a little bit closer to the fire.  
“Lay down,” he said with a commanding voice.  
Tenzou was conflicted. He knew what he wanted but the stern tone on Kakashi’s voice made him hesitate. Among all of that he realized how vulnerable and weak he was being, but at the same time it was so damn cold.

Sensing the dilemma on his kouhai’s face, Kakashi softened his face and with his thumb caressed Tenzou’s palm. Before being able to begin the process of feeling embarrassed, Kakashi laid down and pulled Tenzou with him, settling the younger man’s head between his arms and chest. Tenzou cozy’d himself further and Kakashi wrapped his arms around him. With that glorious source of heat Tenzou wondered if he actually did fail in his breathing efforts early on and actually died and this was the afterlife. He almost believed it was, but then the throbbing headache came back and he pushed the thought aside, redirecting his focus on the moment. A few minutes later he was already fast asleep.


	6. The Perils of Trauma Suppression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenzou’s point of view of the events that took place in Chapter One. We find out why he freaked out on Kakashi.

“Cat, take down the kid with the kekkei genkai. Once you’re done with that go help Rabbit in the clearing. I’ll hold off as many of them as I can.”  
Without waiting for his taichou to finish his orders Tenzou was already gazing through the forest to pinpoint the exact location of their target. The mission was to take down a missing-nin from Suna that was ambushing chuunin leaf shinobis in the past couple months with the help of a group of other missing-nins. They weren’t exceptional or skilled. Barely could hold their own against an ANBU, but the kid in question had a fire based jutsu that permitted him to invisibly cast fire onto people. Since Tenzou’s strong nature was earth and water, which composed his mokuton, he was hand-picked by the ANBU commander to participate in this mission, with the hopes that he could easily defeat the fire shinobi. And it was a wise decision. Once Tenzou got the drop on the kid who was distracted by the battles surrounding him, it was easy enough to use his mokuton to bind the kid, who was clearly not even 13 years old yet. The mission briefing had been clear. Locate, subdue, exterminate. Tenzou was no stranger to killing, he had been doing it since he could walk and hold a kunai. What he wasn’t accustomed to, however, was the pleading sounds that were coming off the kid’s mouth. “They made me do it. I didn’t have a choice, please let me go, I will never come back here again.”

Tenzou believed him. And that was enough. With the weakening of the wooden bindings the kid suddenly jolted forward Tenzou and with a chakra charged punch he knocked Tenzou out breaking half of his porcelain mask to the ground. It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes but the damage was already done. When Tenzou got his bearings and got up to assess the situation he could still hear the crashing of metal against metal and a terrifying scream that quickly died down, leaving only echoes through the trees. He ran towards that horrifying sound praying that it wasn’t what he was thinking. But there were no Gods looking at their battle, for as soon as he reached the source of the sound he realized what happened. The kid that he foolishly set loose was standing above a charred corpse, that was once his captain for this mission. Owl.  
Tenzou was very aware of the power he held in his body. The strength of the mokuton and his chakra reserves were bigger than the average shinobi. He knew the type of damage he could inflict if he put his mind to it. He knew he could raise waterfalls and transform the earth into valleys and peaks, and so he launched forward thinking of just that.

Putting his hands into a seal he called out his chakra: **_Mokuton_** _: Ki Eda no Jutsu!  
_ From the ground five thick tree roots arose gruesomely impaling the missing-nins that were around the area. In the same heartbeat Tenzou reached for one of the kunais in his pouch to finally do what he always was supposed to. In the next second he was standing in front of the kid that fooled him and without any hint of hesitation, Tenzou had his kunai buried deep in the kid’s jugular. He took it out and felt the warm dense liquid splattering in his chest and neck while the body in front of him, shocked expression and unfocused eyes fell forward with a thud. The flood of emotion that was threatening to rise was quickly buried underneath him and he continued on to carry out his captain’s final orders. He reached the clearing where Rabbit was still fighting a couple of the traitorous nins and without effort took them out with his tanto, getting his hair and face drenched in blood for his efforts.  
“Well, what a fucking mess. I thought the intel said there was only supposed to be the one kid and a couple of nins. Why the hell did we find ourselves among a whole fucking group of them? T&I really needs to get their shit together.”   
“Captain’s dead. We should collect his body, burn the others and head back.” Tenzou said while walking away from his ANBU comrade not even sparing him a glance.

The mission report was the worst part. Standing in front of the Sandaime he had to calmly recollect the facts and the actions that led to having one of his companions killed.  
“And because I hesitated, the target managed to knock me out and kill Owl. Once I regained full consciousness I went ahead to their position and exterminated five nins and the target. After that I rushed to Rabbit’s location and helped him finish the rest of them off. We collected the captain’s body, the heads of the nins, and burned everything else off.”  
The Sandaime’s expression betrayed nothing. It was stern and impassive, but the moonlight reflecting off the window left gloom shadows in his cheek.  With a bow and a submissive posture Tenzou finished his speech, “I take full responsibility for my failure and accept whatever punishment that it is to be bestowed upon me.”  
“You’re to be suspended for the time being. You understand that your actions led to the unnecessary death of one of your comrades. Complete a month of patrol duties and then return here to my office so we can discuss your position inside ANBU.” After a second and with a softer voice the Sandaime continued, “I don’t think I need to tell you about the severity of your mistakes, but I have faith that at least you’ll be able to take the harsh lesson that comes out of this unfortunate situation and become a better shinobi. You’re dismissed.”  
Tenzou bowed again and ended up in one of the shinobi reserved bathrooms inside the Hokage tower. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and winced. He still had half his mask on and blood on the side of his face and all over his hair. He considered just cutting the bloodied strands with a kunai but settled into just washing his face instead. Allowing himself to process what happened he noticed how erratic his breathing was, and how he couldn’t take his armor off with his weak shaking fingers. He wanted to follow the Sandaime advice and learn the lesson that came from the situation, except he found no regret in his actions. The only thing he regretted was that the kid wasn’t honest in his pleadings. Tenzou groaned in confusion, he wasn’t supposed to be feeling this way. There was no excuse for his actions, so why was he so reluctant in accepting his wrong doing? But he needed to sort this mess out if he wanted to remain an ANBU shinobi so he ran towards the one person he thought of that could help him through all of this.

It was later in the evening, but still not enough that Kakashi would be sleeping. Tenzou knew enough of the man’s schedule to know that he was probably home by now, since he was still recovering from the injuries he sustained on their last mission. He lept through the living room window and remained where he landed. His mind was still flooded with images and sounds from the horrible mission and he couldn’t help but wish to just not feel anything, like Danzou wanted to teach him all those years back. This was too much, he was all over the place and he knew it. He didn’t want to feel this dread anymore, all of this confusion and hurt. The deep regret that his Captain died because of him and the dilemma that came with the fact that deep down he didn’t think he did anything wrong, by believing the kid. He wanted the kid to not be this evil shinobi. He couldn’t keep feeling like this anymore. To be so confused and uncertain. He didn’t want to do this anymore. To fall weak and vulnerable into Kakashi’s home. This didn’t feel right. 

So deep in these thoughts he didn’t even notice Kakashi approaching, until he spoke in a worried voice, “Tenzou? Can you hear me? Are you hurt?”  
Tenzou was so numb by then he barely reacted, but he knew if he just stood quiet or ran away like he wanted to do, Kakashi would just go after him. So he decided to just externalize his thoughts. “Kakashi, I don’t think I can do this anymore.”   
“It’s okay, why don’t you take these things off of you and go step on the shower? Then when you’re all cleaned up we can talk. I’ll make you some tea. Is that something you think you can do?”

And Kakashi said that with such a sweet and caring voice that all of the thoughts Tenzou just had of leaving crumbled away in a second. He pushed his emotions aside once more with increased difficulty this time and assessed the situation. He was dripping blood in Kakashi’s carpet and he could feel how his hair was hanging sticky and gross around his face. His armor was sitting uncomfortably against his body, with his gloves wet and heavy and his shirt too tight against his neck and chest. He noticed then that his breathing was stable once more and his hands weren’t shaking anymore, so he decided it would be okay to start moving again. He could feel Kakashi’s glance on him and felt shame. He was being completely and utterly impolite and rude. Itachi’s disapproving face came into his mind and so he mumbled an apology to Kakashi about his floor and proceeded to get rid of the uncomfortable clothing. After getting the last of his pants wrappings he thought about how ridiculous he probably looked in the eyes of his captain. He contemplated leaving once more, but the promise of a warm shower, tea and company was too good to pass. He buried his shame once more but tried to regain some slint of dignity deciding that he definitely didn’t feel like standing just in his boxers in front of Kakashi (at least not in this situation). He contemplated the markings on the ground and the faint blood stains in the carpet and with a deep breath managed to stand and make his way to the bathroom, taking a lot of effort to not look at Kakashi’s direction. With all that was happening it took him awhile to acknowledge the fact that Kakashi was not clothed, having only his ever faithful mask in place and a dark blue tower wrapped around his waist. Tenzou had to gather all of his self restraint to not stare at the flashy contrast of Kakashi’s pale skin and the dark cloth.

Bathroom, now! He ordered his legs. Once safe inside the bathroom, he locked the door behind him, took the final piece of his attire off and positioned himself underneath the warm water. It took him a moment to move again, but he finally managed to get a bottle of walnut scented shampoo and proceeded to the harsh task that was washing his hair. He didn’t know why he insisted on wearing it long. People (shinobi, actually) kept nagging him about it and he was almost finally giving up and cutting it out when Itachi joined their team with long hair too and he felt his confidence grow once more. He didn’t mind going through the process of cleaning and he always held to the hope that Kakashi would brush his hair again. He never mustered the courage of asking and Kakashi never offered again. Focusing back into the task of showering he winced when he rubbed off his stomach and noticed a nasty purple bruise in his abdomen. He noticed there were small cuts all over his skin and honestly had no idea how he got them. He finished his shower and looked around his Senpai’s bathroom. He really did not think this through. He had no clothes to wear, remembering the messy bundle left in Kakashi's living room and he was just too embarrassed to contemplate asking for help. As if Kakashi knew what he was thinking he heard a voice through the door, “Tenzou? Do you need any help?” Hell, yea. But he stopped himself thinking “I’m a grown shinobi, get it together.” He realized he didn’t vocally answer Kakashi and hurried himself to a response, “No, Senpai. I’ll be out in a minute.”

So he started looking around, prying into the cabinet underneath the sink. He said a silent prayer of thanks when he found a pile of clean folded towels. He took one to start drying his hair, but it was too small and was soon drenched. Hesitantly he got another, a bigger one this time, and dried the rest of his body. He wrapped the biggest one around his waist and with the wetter one he continued to dry his hair as effectively as possible. He took a deep breath to prepare himself to leave the bathroom when he just rapidly took another towel and wrapped around his shoulders trying to cover more of himself.

Unlocking the bathroom he heard Kakashi in the kitchen and walked towards the man. Before he could say anything, an already fully clothed Kakashi offered him some much welcomed clothes. He felt grateful and stupid at the same time thinking about the third towel he grabbed. He said thanks and walked to the bedroom. Tenzou was very familiar with Kakashi’s apartment. He often came around for dinner and to hang around before and after missions. That was before he got his own place, and after that Kakashi prefered to go to Tenzou’s apartment and their dinner encounters permanently changed locations. However, he had never ventured inside Kakashi’s bedroom. It had a big bed in the middle and a big window with an unimpressive street view and a small cactus vase in it’s sill. On one corner stood a medium dresser which contained a few books on it’s top. Already feeling like intruding he stopped glancing around and just took the clothes that were kindly offered. Not being able to stop himself he smelled the shirt and noticed how soft it was and a size too big for him. 

Well, nothing else to do now, he thought. Time to face the music. Kakashi was in the living room sitting on the couch with two mugs in front of him. There was steam coming off of them. Tenzou sat beside his captain warm with the new clothes and the pleasant company and took a hold of the mug with both hands, not fully trusting them to not start shaking again. He smelled the tea, which he recognized as made of camomile and honey and drank it, saying his sincere thanks to Kakashi.  
His captain wasted no time, not letting him off the hook, “"You can thank me by telling me what happened."  
What followed was a blur, Tenzou just poured his heart out not being able to hold back his tears. He came to Kakashi because he remembered the way Kakashi once had the chance of killing him. And he should have done that, since Tenzou was trying to kill him. But he was spared. And Kakashi offered him a hand and his friendship. Why didn’t the kid from early on take the chance like Tenzou once had? He was so much happier now, and couldn’t imagine what his life would’ve been like if he never met Kakashi. Part of him just hoped he could give the kid what Kakashi gave him.  
Once he was satisfied that he covered all the major events of the day, Tenzou noticed his eyes were swollen and his vision blurry with tears. He was having difficulty breathing again but the arms embracing him grounded him back allowing him to ask what he really wanted to know and so, finally facing Kakashi he blurted out “"What did you see in me? What made you risk everything for me?"  
Kakashi’s gaze was gentle and his face was filled with empathy and comprehension. Never pity, and for that Tenzou was grateful beyond reason. Tenzou was so mesmerized by his Senpai’s dark grey eye that he barely registered the answer, but the kind words that were being spoken made Tenzou weak in the knees. He could feel his heart beating faster and the sudden rush of pressure that was once again building behind his eyes. He didn’t know what he could offer to the world beside his mokuton, and he was just content in knowing he lived long enough to become close to his dearest friend. Kakashi was so close to him now, he could feel the warm breath coming out of his mouth, even though it was dampened by the mask’s cloth. Looking desperately for touch he leaned in and hugged Kakashi with all the strength he could gather. They stood for a second like this before Kakashi began to stroke his hair. 

This is why Tenzou kept it long, he thought, barely keeping himself from blushing to the admission. He was grateful beyond words so he tightened his embrace further hoping it would express what he was feeling. When Kakashi made no further moves besides the gentle touching on his hair, Tenzou decided that something needed to be said. Ever since they met, Tenzou had been fascinated by Kakashi. The deep layers of human emotion, always hidden behind a lazy wave, a fake eye-smile, a steady tone, jokes, distance, pornographic books and that damn mask. But once in a while, Kakashi would be gentle for no other reason than the fact he could, and it made Tenzou feel better. Hints of intimacy in the form of light conversation and gestures like this one right here. A hand on his hip and the other caressing his hair. Yes, ever since they met Tenzou became fascinated. A childish admiration turned into a deep respect and unrelenting trust and faith. Now a couple years later he was so much more than just the rookie ANBU hanging around his Senpai. He was a high rank officer that fought for his village and comrades. He was a loyal friend to a few and he loved who he had become. He had peace in his soul and fiery determination that this was the place he belonged. But all of this started with the man he was now embracing, and so he saw fit to tell him just that. Taking his face off Kakashi’s hair he approached his lips to his Senpai’s face and pressed them into the soft skin and said what was in his heart, "Kakashi, I'm glad that you saved me, for no other reason than the fact I had the privilege of having you as a friend." And he let his lips linger a bit longer once he noticed Kakashi was not pulling away. Instead the older man cupped his face and their eyes met. Tenzou doesn’t have a name for what he recognized in that lonely eye but it was the final sign he needed to just let go of restraint and follow his instinct. He lifted his hands as slowly as he possibly could to get that offending cloth off of Kakashi’s face. It wasn’t about curiosity at all. He knew that whatever it was behind the mask, Tenzou would love it just the same. But needless to say he also knew the weight behind his actions and the high probability of receiving a slap on the wrist and a very cold shoulder. In the end, he just wanted to know if his unwavering faith in Kakashi wasn’t one sided. 

When the lower part of Kakashi’s face was finally free, Tenzou just smiled at himself. The man’s face was perfect. The lines making up his jaw, his thin nose, the pink of his lips and that little mark on his left chin that Tenzou swore to himself he had to kiss before he died. And to tie it all together the discolored line that ran through his left side, from above the eye until above his lips, reminding Tenzou of yet another layer that made up this man. The sufferings he endured and the memories he carries around every day. Past the point of no return, Tenzou finally closed the distance separating their faces and he kissed Kakashi’s lips. He just wanted a taste before the dream was over, but then Kakashi responded with his body weight and the intensity of it all increased and Tenzou had to stop himself from doing a hand seal and whispering “kai”. When his senpai’s hands pulled him closer by the neck, Tenzou convinced himself that even if this really was a genjutsu, he would let his enemy have his way with him, he didn’t care, as long as this illusion could continue. And that was his last thought before drowning himself into the sensations. 

They kissed desperately and touched gently exploring each other, Tenzou’s arousal painfully evident and Kakashi was so close to him, now shirtless (when did that happen) and kissing him like he never stopped. Tenzou pressed his legs into Kakashi’s waist and thighs yearning for more proximity. And it was so good, better than anything he ever dreamed of until Kakashi took his lips away from him and bit into his neck. This caused a violent physical reaction that made Tenzou whimper out of fear and his body shivered from toe to head.

Like a dam breaking, the fierce force of water rushing in and destroying everything in its path, flashes of memories invaded Tenzou’s mind.   
Oh Kami, please no. Not now.   
But his pleadings went unheard.

He was once again in a filthy room that smelled of nauseating incense and smoke. His body was weak and small despite his training efforts, and even if he had the strength he was told to not fight, to just endure and like a good shinobi that’s what he would do. Complete the mission that was entrusted to him. He already had obtained the information he needed but to not raise suspicions he couldn’t leave, he needed to give the man what he wanted. The body above him was heavy, naked, wet with sweat and his foul mouth stinked with the lingering smell of cigarettes.   
“He is an important political figure in the Suna government. He has deep knowledge of their inner plans and this can become a turning point for us. We will have leverage against them to negotiate better deals. This is important, Kinoe, you must complete this mission in the name of Konoha. Intel tells us he has a predilection for younger boys with feminine features such as yours. Get yourself inside his room and gather whatever you can from the scrolls he will have with him. Afterwards he will probably want to get… intimate. And you must let him. It’s only physical pain, he won’t expect you to put a performance or to linger on longer than necessary. Endure it and come back home.”   
All the while he was being prodded and invaded he kept remembering the mission directives Danzou gave him. He was right, it was only physical pain. He had bled for Konoha so many times before, this wasn’t that much different. His body and power belonged to Danzou, after all. To be used as a weapon to protect their village and defend their country and it’s citizens.   
Once it was over, the man gave his face a couple of slaps and finished him off with a strong bite to the neck that broke skin and blood ran down his chest and collarbone. Not a minute later he was outside the discreet building that was reserved for encounters such as these, standing on shaky wet legs, holding on tight to the scrolls he had copied. Back to Konoha, he received a nod of appreciation and a “thank you for your service” response from Danzou. He never had to do anything like this again and so he put the memories in a tiny box inside his mind and threw it away in a corner to never open again. 

Until now. And things couldn’t possibly get any worse. Everything he ever wanted burning to ashes because of his weaknesses and inability to keep emotions buried where they belong. But it hurt, and it hurt so much that the pain came out through his throat. His eyes burned with tears for what felt like the tenth time today. He just wanted Kakashi to stop, to give him some time to breathe and recollect himself, but instead what he felt was a harsh bite near the same spot that the man had once defiled and he could barely register Kakashi’s hands on him, and he just kept pleading, please, please, let me go.  
He knew with all the certainty in his heart that Kakashi would never hurt him like this on purpose. But the fact that he lingered on a while longer than Tenzou could stand was enough to send his mind and body into flight mode. He needed to get away, because this wasn’t right. This was supposed to be an untainted moment filled with all of the affection and fondness he knew there was between them. He knew now how this act of intimacy could differ from what he went through all those years back, so to think everything was now ruined because of his treacherous mind, he just couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t stand to see Kakashi’s reaction, his now bare face he had trusted Tenzou with. Couldn’t even begin to imagine the hurt and confusion in Kakashi’s face, because Tenzou had given everything he had into those kisses and caresses, so Kakashi wouldn’t understand why he was now running away. And that’s what he did, with a heavy heart filled with unbearable pain and shame. He ran. And ran hard and fast and didn’t look back.


	7. The Liberation in Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenzou runs to the one place he always felt at home. However, he discovers he's not alone.

The forests surrounding Konoha were beautiful. And there’s no other word for it. Everything was full of color, and the different shades of green were discernible even in the darkest of nights. Tenzou had this silly dream of settling down here someday. Maybe after he honorably retired from ANBU and could pass on his duties as Shinobi to another generation. He more often than not imagined himself alone, but content. Itachi and Kakashi would often visit and Itachi's little brother loved to swim around the lake. Sometimes he would bring friends with him, sometimes it would just be the four of them. Kakashi would lie down in one of the chairs on the porch and bury his faithful Icha Icha in his face to take long naps. Itachi, way too polite to do something like that would carry on light conversations about everything and anything, like they always used to do when they were younger and more naive.  
Whenever Tenzou ran through the woods of Konoha, he would always look around imagining if this clearing would be the chosen place to hold his cabin and his home.

But not today. Today while Tenzou ran and lept through the branches, bare feet and casual clothes, he did not think of his dream of the future. Instead he was being chased by memories of days gone by. His throat burned and he felt as naked as he once had been in those awful chemical tanks. In his blind rush of getting out of Kakashi’s apartment he foolishly left his equipment and weapons behind. His armor, his trusted medical kit, even his sandals. And now he was running outside of the village with no protection beyond his mokuton. Once the initial shock passed, his shinobi instincts started screaming at him, for him to come back to the safe grounds inside Konoha’s gates and to arm and protect himself. But before he could stop and turn around he felt a hard punch behind his neck, which brought a metallic taste in his mouth and blackened his vision, making him dizzy and throwing him completely off balance. Not being able to redirect his chakra to his feet he fell down into the ground, only just managing to land in a manner that stopped his neck from being broken. Adrenaline now fully taking hold of his senses he took notice of the wretched object that did this much damage. A gigantic sword being held by an even bigger man that was standing grinning on top of the branch he was just in. The sword had white wrapping all over it and was being put back on the man’s back. He was wearing a black long cloak that covered most of his body. But there was no mistaking him. He was blue and had fish-like features, with a hitai-ate that bore the vertical wavy lines that marked the symbol of Kirigakure. Scrapped on the metal and crossing the symbols, a horizontal line, branding its user a nukenin. Tenzou didn’t have a lot of time to remember the man’s name before taking action and gathering his chakra to make a wooden clone and try to flee. He was caught unaware and from what he could gather, by how painted his breathing was becoming, the sword managed to suck an awful lot of chakra away from him. He wouldn’t be able to hold his own against the man - one of the Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist, Tenzou’s mind registered - and so the best tactical decision was to evade capture and retreat. In this he had an advantage, since he was so close to Konoha and had deep knowledge of the grounds. He left his clone behind to distract the nukenin and merged himself with one of the larger trees nearby. Not a minute later his clone was defeated and the memories rushed in back to him. As expected, the last thing his clone saw was the sight of a big sword coming down to his face.  
“My, my. How lucky are we? To find such a pretty creature like yourself roaming around alone in these woods? You’re making this way too easy on us.”  
Before he could sneak into another tree, the one where he was hiding took a big blast and was soon splintered into twigs. Tenzou wasn’t fast enough to leap back and evade all of the explosion, catching a lot of smoke and heat into the front part of his body. He protected his face with his arms that were now covered with deep cuts and a few burns. This kind of injury didn’t worry him, since his mokuton healing properties would soon minimize the bleeding and nerve damage.  
“Be careful, we need him alive.” Tenzou heard a deep voice hissing to the blue man. 

Shit, it was two against one. He wouldn’t be able to escape now. And the worst part of it, is that he wasn't able to pinpoint the second man’s location. He felt a second chakra signature when the man spoke, but a second later it was gone, but Tenzou had no doubt that the man was still around, observing and biding his time. Taking a deep breath, Tenzou rationalized once again his position in this fight. They were close enough to Konoha, and that blast was loud enough to maybe signalize the gate guards. It was a small chance, but right now it was Tenzou’s best chance. He noticed that the second man was standing behind, letting the swordsmen handle it. Maybe he didn’t want to risk his identity or wasn’t a good enough fighter, serving only as backup. If Tenzou could hold his own long enough against his opponent, taking an offensive position, maybe he could wound the man long enough to give him an opening to eventually make a retreat. It was a weak plan, he knew this, but then again, he has never been a tactical genius like Kakashi.  
He positioned himself in front of Kisame - that was his name, Tenzou remembered from the Bingo Book - and concentrated his chakra on his hand seal while launching himself towards the swordsmen,  **_Mokuton_ ** _ : Daijurin no Jutsu! _

His right arm rapidly transformed into wooden beams with spiked ends that viciously made their way to Kisame’s body. As predicted, the man used his sword to cut out the wood before it was able to reach closer to him. Tenzou landed behind him and already called out another attack, carefully putting just a small amount of chakra into it,  **_Mokuton_ ** _ : Ki Eda no Jutsu!  
_ This time only one tree root arose from the ground, but it was enough to catch Kisame off guard, piercing his right thigh just above the knee. He cursed loudly and used his sword to free himself but by then Tenzou was already putting everything he had left into his final jutsu, praying to anyone or anything that would listen  _ "please, let this hold him for long enough" _ ,  
**_Mokuton:_ ** _ Jubaku Eisō!  _ In a few seconds Kisame’s entire body was covered and surrounded by thick roots that arose from the ground and twisted themselves to encase the man. Tenzou put more strength into it hoping that the increased pressure would be able to at least do some damage. When he felt his reserves diminishing to a dangerous level he turned towards Konoha and ran as fast as he could.

Before he could create more distance between him and Kisame, he felt the air in front of him warp and the light bended revealing the body of another cloaked man. Tenzou barely had the time to register the patterns on the cloak and the funny looking shape of an orange face mask before halting to a stop to dodge the shurikens aimed at him. Two of them passed by his side, but one lodged itself in his right shoulder. He was readying himself to encase his body in his wooden tomb, a desperate measure to at least keep the enemy from retrieving his body, when he heard his name being called out by a familiar voice. Kakashi wasted no time before lighting up a chidori, uncovered sharingan, launching himself towards the masked man. But before he could reach him, space twisted itself again and the man was gone and soon reappeared behind Kakashi on his blind spot ready to strike his back with a large spear-like weapon. Between the damned chakra-sucking sword and the powerful jutsus he used against Kisame, Tenzou no longer had sufficient chakra left to conjure up a defensive wall to protect Kakashi from the blow. Tenzou knew Kakashi wouldn't be able to see it coming, since the enemy's chakra disappeared whenever he went to Kami knows where. So Tenzou ran once again for what he knew to be the last time. 

<>

**_Kuchiyose no jutsu!  
_ ** A few seconds later amidst a cloud of smoke stood two ninkens, ready to jump into action.  
“What’s up, boss?” The pug-looking dog asked.  
“I need you to track Tenzou and keep an eye on him. He ran out of here not too long ago. He didn’t look good, Pakkun. And you, Bisuke, retrieve Itachi and bring him wherever we are.”

The urgency in his summoner voice didn’t keep Pakkun from staring suspiciously into the one-eyed silver-haired man. But questions could wait and so he took a deep breath and took in Tenzou’s strong lingering scent in the air.  
“I sense him, he’s running fast, we should go if we wanna catch up to him soon.”

Kakashi had already slipped into his jounin attire, with his flak jacket, shinobi-issued pants, and all of his equipment, fully prepared to engage in battle. He was paranoid enough to never leave his home unprepared, and the fact that Tenzou ran out in civvy clothes did nothing to appease his fears. That’s how bad he must’ve hurt him.  
Pushing the thought aside he followed Pakkun to the outskirts of the village and outside the gates into the forest. He should’ve known Tenzou would seek the comfort of the trees and nature. Before too long they heard an explosion a few miles ahead.  
“Explosion tags. Shit, he’s in trouble. What can you smell from here?” Kakashi asked Pakkun while forcing more chakra into his legs, hoping they would get there in time.  
“Um, I smell fish?” Pakkun answered, scrunching his snout in disgust. “Yea, and Tenzou’s blood. Also, there’s someone closing in from behind. Probably Itachi, though he’s still a good five minutes behind.”

After a little longer running through the branches, Kakashi picked up the scent of his kouhai and told Pakkun to go back to Konoha and alert the guards. He jumped to the ground and quickly saw where Tenzou was standing, eyes widened and terrified, defeat written all over his body, while still managing to dodge a few shuriken thrown towards him by the enemy. Taking advantage of the enemy’s back he uncovered his left eye and gathered his lightning chakra in his right hand bringing forth the familiar sound of chirping birds. He launched himself towards the enemy putting all of his fury and killing intent behind the fatal jutsu.  
He aimed for the heart and with the precision given to him by the Sharingan, he expected to feel that dreaded feeling of his hand and arm tearing through flesh, muscle and bone, but instead found nothing. He looked confused at Tenzou who was standing like a ghost a few feet in front of him, even though the enemy who was just here was the one who disappeared in thin air. Chakra signature and all.  
Before he could form a coherent thought and force some much needed words out of his mouth he saw, in painfully detail, the movements Tenzou made. In a second his pale face was consumed by realization and terror, and the next he could hear the sound of a pained whimper behind him, close to his ears. Tenzou had moved behind him, in a blink of an eye to put himself between Kakashi and whatever weapon it was that the enemy was holding. 

He turned around to find the enemy already gone again, but this time he couldn’t bother to care, for the pool of blood reaching his toes made every nerve of his body shiver violently. And with the curse that it was, his eyesight registered with ridiculous perfection the horrifying scene. And his nose caught once again the familiar scent of blood, that was now mixtured with the smell of walnuts and pines. Tenzou. And before his brain could connect and interpret all of these senses, his ears caught a dull thump of a lifeless body hitting the ground.  
It took him too long, way too fucking long, to kneel and reach out. To bring his training instincts forward, to move his muscles and to assess. And so he did. He caught Tenzou’s body and brought closer to him, already feeling a wet warm liquid coursing through his lap and chest.

The first thing that caught his attention was the wooden spear coming out of Tenzou’s chest, viciously piercing his friend’s heart. He sent a wave of chakra forward to catch a tiny glimpse of Tenzou’s chakra, but came back empty. He then dared to look up and into his friend’s face. It was hard to see clearly, his vision, once sharp, now blurry and wet. Obito’s eyes now spilling countless tears down his cheek, but there was no mistaking it. Delicately pushing brown hair away from Tenzou’s face, Kakashi could see the almond-colored írises already fading out to a glazed empty stare. Tenzou was beautiful. Even now, with his lips stained with dried blood, his high cheeks and a rounded stern chin. His eyes expressed pain, the last sensation to run through his body, but his lips were almost like a smile, a defiance in front of Death. A challenge, one last act of rebellion. Like this is what he wanted, this was his choice.   
Obito had chosen the same destiny. Rin too. And even Minato and, of course, more obviously, his dad. They all saw death as a viable option to solve the vile situations they were facing. Kakashi thought back to all the times he, too, saw it as an option, putting himself in harm’s way to save companions and buy whatever time he could to complete whatever mission that he deemed so important at the time. But he always managed to leave unscathed and it wasn’t due to skill and as sure as hell wasn’t luck. It was just the lack of being able to choose, like his loved ones once did. Like Tenzou now just had. But this isn’t fair. Tenzou had already died once, when he buried Kinoe and everything that the codename represented. 

Kakashi could see now the faint stains on Tenzou’s cheek. The tears that ran down not too long ago. He then remembered everything that happened, not even an hour ago, everything that led them here, dying on the ground filled with leaves, dirt and blood. So close to home. Kakashi knew what he needed to do now. Caressing Tenzou’s hair one last time, he carefully laid down the body on the ground and gathered all of his focus into getting up. If everyone he loved could choose death, why couldn’t he? For this. For  _ him _ . It was as good a motive as any.  
Now, with newfound determination Kakashi looked around his surroundings only now noticing Itachi’s unconscious body slumped against a tree, with his ninken, Bisuke whimpering next to him and looking hopelessly at Kakashi.

“What happened?”   
“He saw Tenzou’s body and, um… Something happened to his eyes and then he winced in pain and fainted. But he’s gonna be okay, I think. His pulse is steady and strong.”

With a slight nod, Kakashi continued, “Pakkun will probably be arriving with reinforcements anytime now. Bisuke, I need you to go and stall them for as long as you can.”  
“Boss?”  
“I need you to do as I say. Please, don’t ask questions, just do it. Please, I don’t have a lot of time.”

Bisuke took a few seconds to move, not being able to accept Kakashi’s decision. He should stop him, but Kakashi could just dispel him at any moment. Whatever he meant to do, this felt like a goodbye. He needed to say something but before he could Kakashi spoke in a voice filled with determination and hope.  
“There’s nothing left to say. This is my choice and I’m gonna make it work this time. Bisuke, just know that I’ve always felt very honored and blessed to have you as my pack. Tell the others and take care of them, hm? Pakkun will be angry, but I’m sure you can make him understand… Go now, please.”

With a whimpering nod, Bisuke left his sight, running towards Konoha. Kakashi really didn’t have a lot of time, so he hurried himself into position and brought forward his memories. The one thing he could always count on was remembering the seals to as many jutsus as he could think of. After all, he earned his ‘Copy-nin’ nickname. After Minato’s death and the chaos that ensued afterwards, with the nomination of a new Hokage and the rebuilding of Konoha, he managed to sneak into a lot of confidential meetings and peaked through reports of the shinobi that saw what happened with Minato and Kushina. He studied thoroughly the kinjutsu that took his sensei’s life and the seals that managed to lock down half of the Kyuubi into that poor boy’s body.   
Taking a last look at Tenzou’s direction to remind himself of why he was doing this, he prepared his chakra and focused all of it in his hands while going through the seals.

_ Snake. Boar. Ram. Rabbit. Dog. Rat. Bird. Horse. Snake. _

Clapping his hands and pushing back the thought of ‘ _ this is the most stupid thing I ever did, and I won’t be able to know if it will work or not’,  _ he called out:  **_Fūinjutsu:_ ** _ Shiki Fūjin! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, there was supposed to exist logic in this madness.


	8. It’s a Wonderful Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look inside Minato’s own tsukuyomi inside the shinigami’s realm.

(...) Naruto, from now on, you’re going to face lots of pain and hardship. Be true to yourself. Have a dream and have the confidence to make that dream come true. There’s so much, oh, so much more that I want to pass on to you. I wish I could stay with you longer. I love you. I’m sorry Minato, I spoke for too long.” It was Kushina’s last words to their newborn.  
“Naruto, my advice as your father is everything your chatty mother just said.  _ Hakke Fuyin.. _ ”

One more wave of pain passed through Minato’s chest as he finally whispered the last words that completed the jutsu that would seal away his son’s fate. After all was said and done, he was now alone, his soul forever bound to this strange afterlife. He hoped for pain and torture, knowing this was a Shinigami’s realm. It was a forbidden jutsu for a reason. But he would endure and concentrate on the fact that the village was now safe, his son alive and breathing strong and Kushina would be in some heaven now, eating ramen and looking after Naruto with the fierce passion that ran through the Uzumaki's blood.  
Of course, no one ever knows what to expect once you die, even though that’s a recurring thought and a lingering ever present threat in the mind of a shinobi. Minato saw death. A lot of it. Delivered to his countless enemies on the battlefield and also saw it in the eyes of his companions. He suffered through Obito’s death. And Rin’s. And was reminded daily of those losses, through Kakashi’s broken features and lazy posture. Right, Kakashi…  
He knew Naruto would be okay, Sarutobi would make sure of it, train him properly, make him so strong that no one would ever dare to even try to hurt him. And that’s all Minato thought about when he decided to die for his son and his village. It would be worth it, because even though he wouldn’t be there to care for his son, the people he sacrificed himself for would step up and care for Naruto. Kakashi, however, has been a lost soul ever since he found his dad’s body lying on the ground of their home, tanto to his chest. And now, with Minato’s death, he feared what would become of his last remaining student. Perhaps that was his punishment after all, for his untimely death, regret.  
Well, that and the boiling ball of fur and rage he could feel roaring inside his mind. So in this strange field of nothingness he sat down and tried to reach inside, to face the _ thing _ that led him here in the first place.  
Kushina had told him about a certain mindspace she created, how she imagined the Kyuubi stuck in a canyon inside her mind. She would sit on the top and look at the foul gigantic creature that tormented her.  
“It’s quiet and asleep most of the time. I tried to talk to it one time but it just gave me this big scowl and almost hit me with one of it’s tails. The rage emanating from it was intoxicating, so much that I was afraid I would drown on it for a while.”  
“I don’t think it can hurt you, Kushina. The seal prevents it from doing that.”  
“I guess so… But you know, I had to borrow chakra from it that one time on the battlefield and the look it gave me. I mean, I tried to be polite about it. I said ‘excuse me, Mr. Fox, I need a little bit of chakra, thank you very much’, and then I just took it a whole bunch and bailed.” Kushina had said, sheepishly laughing.  
“What kind of look did it give you?”  
“Hm, you would think that it would be angry… But that time I felt like I was betraying it’s trust. And the damn fox just looked so tired. Even though it sleeps a lot.”  
“And how often do you go there to talk to it?”  
“It was just a couple of times, really… I mean, can you imagine yourself maintaining a civil conversation with an angry, vengeful chakra entity?”

Minato really could not. But now, as fate would have it, the fox was the only thing keeping him sane in this vast place of nothing. He always thought of hell as a place where he would be forced to fight through wars over and over again, in endless, bloody, pointless battles. But so far… nothing. He looked around the field he was standing once again. The ground didn’t seem to be made of grass, or dirt. It almost looked like he was standing above clouds, but the light mist surrounding his feet wasn’t made of anything. It was almost like it was just existing for an aesthetic purpose. The sky wasn’t light blue or dark, and there didn’t seem to be a sun or a moon. It was just a pale grey, hovering above his head and extending itself indefinitely on all directions. So maybe his punishment would come in the form of endless boredom, chipping away at his mind until he grew insane.   
Yea, he would take an angry chakra entity over that dark road in a heartbeat.  
So he meditated. That came easy enough, just let all thoughts slip away, forgot all feelings, forgave all harms and just resigned himself to the empty afterlife. Once content with the silent wave of emptiness inside of him, blending in perfectly with the environment, he took a deep breath and reached out inwards. 

He was in the same field, though now facing a building-sized cage containing the enormous beast. It wasn’t roaring anymore, instead it seemed content enough to just  _ glare.   
_ Well, Minato was a patient man and he had all the time in the world now. So, he sat down in front of the cage, legs crossed and just stared back.

“WHAT?” The fox said with a surprisingly annoyed tone. As if it was scolding a naughty child.  
“Ah, so it speaks…”  
“I’m not a  _ thing _ , pesky  _ human _ . What the hell do you want?”   
“Company.” Was the simplest, god-honest answer Minato could think of.

Well, apparently just an honest answer wasn’t enough to break through the centuries of anger bottled up inside the creature, that was now staring at Minato like he had just grown a second head. The shock passed soon enough, being quickly replaced by an angry low growl that shook through the fake mist hovering above the ground. Seeing as Minato didn’t flinch nor moved a muscle, the fox spat out a “fuck you” and cuddled it’s face into it’s front paws, closed it’s eyes and proceeded to ignore Minato for a long time.

Of course Minato couldn’t say how much time had passed between his arrival, his feeble attempt at socializing with a chakra-demon and the glorious event that was his afterlife “trial”. He was in his tenth attempt at counting down all of the fox’s individual fur, when a strong presence announced itself. Minato shamefully yelped and left his mindspace, back into the foxless field. Hovering above him stood the shinigami, Lord of this Realm. It’s demonic appearance grinned and licked its purple lips with a long wet tongue. When it spoke, its lips didn’t move and the words reverbated like waves in the cold deep sea.

  
“So, it is you who summoned me? Give me your offering.”  
“My offering? Um, I guess that's Kyuubi's chakra. But it’s sealed within me, I’m afraid.”  
“Hmm, is this the Juubi’s chakra? Hmm, no… It’s a lesser form. Divided. Corrupted. Only a shadow of what once was. How did this come to be?”  
“Well, the Sage of the Six Paths split the Juubi’s chakra into nine forms that later became what is now known as the Tailed-Beasts. What you sense now is the Yin half of the Kyuubi.”  
“Hmm, I accept your offering, though I cannot have it, without having you. To remain in this world you must choose how to go on. I can put you into a deep slumber, to never awake again, or you can choose to live on in a place of illusions to help your mind withstand the passing of endless time. What is your choice?”  
“What kind of illusions? And what’s going to happen to the fox? It has a conscience too…”  
“The illusions are yours to conjure. You’ll be able to live through as many lifetimes as you wish, although time will have no meaning. The fox will stay inside of you, as it is meant to be.”  
“Alright, yeah. I’d like that.”

And so it was.

Until, one day it wasn’t.

<>

Minato never forgot. At first it was easy to lose himself in the memories. He conjured up his perfect world to the best of his abilities. He often relieved his happiest memories, but the smiles on the ghost’s faces faded harder with each time. The colors weren’t as bright and the sounds weren’t as loud. His son was just a dream, for the real one he never came to know. His beloved wife, his dear students that lived through the war to become adults were nothing but an echo. And Minato feared. He feared for the day that he would wake up and not really remember what Kushina’s face really looked like. Her touches, which once lingered like fire dimmed to cinders. But he chose this, and it was better than nothing. He could make new memories, imagine new lifes, new jokes to laugh about. He would meddle on the actions of his puppets and play God in this ghost world. He held onto this with every fiber of his being, because if not, everything would end, but he would remain.  
He often wondered if he ever really had a choice. If this made up world he created wasn’t just his personal hell scratching away his sanity. He became convinced of that, one day, when Kakashi appeared to him and he had grief in his eyes. Like the real one, from so many lifetimes ago so painfully held. Minato gasped at the thought that this was it. His time was up. The reality of his demise finally slipping through the cracks. For in this world, HIS world, those dear to him held no pain, no grief, no regrets. And yet here it was. Clear as day, not the boy he knew, but the man he would grow up to be, had Minato lived enough to see. 

And Kakashi was desperate, begging to the Death God, “trade my life for his”.

Could it be Obito? But he was alive, Minato made sure of it, in every alternative, a child like Obito would’ve never had to choose to die alone in a dark cavern. His Obito married his Rin and Kakashi was the godfather of their son; his Obito grew to be a great shinobi that managed to become Hokage and finally put to rest the animosity that existed between his clan and the rest of the village; his Obito accepted that Rin was in love with Kakashi and moved on to live his own life and find love in someone else. No matter the details, Minato’s Obito was alive and happy in all of his timelines. So was Kakashi. Rin. Kushina and his son, Naruto.  
But this man, standing in front of him, broken and desperate was real. It was crude and ugly, like only real life could be.  
“Kakashi?”   
Minato dropped the curtains of the charade and he saw.

The real world leaking through. The way the moonlight reflected off every surface. Yes, he never quite got the details right. And the stench of death and blood leaking through the cracks. Everything came to focus when he finally let go of the last piece of the illusion. In a forest, (most likely near Konoha) his student stood, older and carrying even more scars within him, begging to the shinigami to bring back his friend. Minato saw the bloodied boy lying in the grass. So young. And then he understood. With panic in his voice Minato spoke (really spoke) for the first time in a long time. And he screamed “Kakashi, no! Don’t believe him! This world is a lie! Please, stop whatever it is you’re doing, it’s madness!.”

But the words carried no sound and his pleadings went unheard. On a selfish whim Minato wondered if Kakashi really entered this world, if they would be able to hold each other once again. If he would have another real human being to interact with in this hell, after all this time “had it even been that long at all?” 

He looked to the lifeless body on the clearing once again and he reached through. Calling forth the will of fire and the last of his life force, he jumped, reached and grabbed as hard as he could.


	9. Silent Lucidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenzou wakes up in the hospital after the events that took place outside Konoha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up, it's a wild ride.

It was snowing. The trees surrounding the streets and buildings of Konoha were bare and glistering on the morning sun. The rooftops were white and there were fewer merchants and open street vendors than usual and barely any people walking around at all. That in itself was normal. Tenzou liked the scenery though he dreaded the feeling of the cold wind passing through his body. His first instinct was to crawl into himself when he realized he didn’t have his reliable winter coat above his ANBU uniform. It took him a minute to fully register the fact that he was actually not cold at all, despite the snowflakes falling and melting on his skin. That was not normal. Neither was the fact that although he definitely recognized the portion of Konoha he was in, the buildings were all wrong. The colors, the sizes, the position. And how did he get here anyways. Last thing he remembered he was… oh. Right. Having his heart pierced by a lunatic in a trenchcoat and a dumb mask on the outskirts of Konoha. He rapidly brought his hand up to his chest and realized there was now a nasty scar that looked years old. This must be the Pure Lands then, his afterlife. Before Tenzou could even begin to process his own death he hears a familiar name being called.  
“Oi, Kakashi! Over here!”. The man who was speaking was definitely an Uchiha, but none that Tenzou knew. The Uchiha had spiky black hair and the characteristic dark eyes of his clan, his hitai-ate on his forehead proved he was a shinobi, though that was definitely contradicted by his loud voice and exuberant clothing composed of a somewhat normal navy blue shinobi pants and a orange and blue jacket on top of a mesh undershirt. He was sitting inside of a dango shop accompanied by a woman with distinguished purple markings on her face and light brown hair and a kind smile on her face. The man who was being called was nothing like the senpai that Tenzou knew. He was walking towards the shop and had a standard jounin flak jacket, the ever present mask firm on his face and the disheveled silver hair tucked underneath a leaf hitai-ate. But that’s where the similarities ended. Instead of the usual slouch posture and a Icha-Icha on his hands, Kakashi held himself like the elite shinobi he was. Precise movements intended to save energy and maximize efficiency, as if he was on a mission. But the detail that made Tenzou transform into a statue was the fact that Kakashi’s both eyes were the same dark grey color, and the scar that vertically crossed his left eye was absent.   
“Kakashi-senpai!”

But the words Tenzou spoke were unheard, and Kakashi approached the two shinobis and sat down on the table completely unaware of Tenzou’s presence. He brought his mask down and leaned in to kiss the woman.  The piercing jealousy that crossed Tenzou’s body was interrupted by an aching pain on his chest where his scar was. He stumbled forward and closed his eyes to focus on his breathing, but when he opened them once again Konoha was gone and he was standing in the middle of a misty field. He saw a fox-demon, a shinigami and a man and once again they were unaware of his presence. They were speaking to each other but Tenzou couldn’t hear what was being said. The realization that all of this was actually a genjutsu hit him like a giant shock wave but before he could try to dispel it the field disappeared from his vision and he was once again standing on the same street on Konoha. Except now, the trees were full of fruits and flowers and he could tell by the smell in the air that it was spring.  
" Obito! Over here! You’re late!” The same woman from before called out from inside the dango shop where she was sitting beside a very annoying looking Kakashi that was now rolling both of his dark-grey eyes. The annoyance lasted only a second before he turned his attention to a little kid that was sitting on his lap. A mini-Uchiha. Obito’s son.  
“Sorry, I’m late!! See, there was this kid on the street that got separated from his mother while he was picking out flowers for her, so you know, I just had to help him find her!”  
Tenzou watched the group talking and laughing and the little kid reaching out to the woman, who was clearly his mom. She slipped him a dango and laughed sheepishly when Kakashi called her out, “you spoil him too much, Rin.”  
“Of course I do, I’m his mother.” 

Tenzou turned his eyes to the child again and the child looked directly at him with sharp bleeding eyes, red and black spinning in a triquetra shape. Tenzou gasped and fell backwards while the skies darkened with falling ashes. The spring breeze went stale and the flowery smell rottened and gave turn to metal and blood. He suddenly found himself on the Uchiha compound surrounded by corpses. Crows came and gouged their eyes out, cawing desperately. Their eyes too were blood-red and their black feather absorbed the moonlight. Down the street there was a boy standing, shivering and sobbing with paralyzing fear. The thought of an endangered kid was enough to make Tenzou get up and run to him, to protect against an imminent threat.  
When he got close enough he recognized the boy as Sasuke Uchiha, Itachi’s little brother.  
“Ni-san, why?”  
“To test my strength, foolish little brother” came the gelid answer. On top of one of the roofs stood Itachi, with his tanto dripping with blood and his eyes, the different looking sharingan spinning rapidly while a single tear streamed down his cheek. Beside him the masked man with his coat laughed and steered Itachi away, while Sasuke collapsed in grief on Tenzou’s arms. Before he could catch him the world went dark and Tenzou came to be once again standing on the street in front of the dango shop. 

This time the Yondaime was sitting down accompanied by a beautiful red-haired woman with a blond little boy with the bluest eyes Tenzou ever seen happily running around them. The piercing pain crossing through his chest was sharper every time the scenery changed, causing Tenzou to see less clearly each time. And he saw a lot. After every happy memory, a dark and unthinkable tragedy followed. 

He saw Orochimaru invade Konoha twice, marking Itachi’s little brother and killing the Sandaime. He saw three giant snake summons destroy Konoha and many of his comrades dying to protect it against foolish sand-nins. Children desperately calling for their parents to no avail, being rushed deep under the mountains by inexperienced, equally frightened genins and brave teachers. He saw the specters of the Nidaime and the Hodaime being ripped away from their unnatural bodies to be forever sealed away in a shinigami domain. The ensued chaos, the destruction, the tears shed, the lovers, friends and parents lost. He saw two jinchuurikis fighting each other while at the same time fighting their metaphorical and literal demons. The Yondaime’s son. The little blond boy that was running around a dango shop. But no, it’s wrong. It’s not the same kid, it cannot be.

His chest, it pains him. He can feel the spear crossing through. It was fast enough, as soon as the pain came it went away, for now his body was nothing but meat and bones, his soul making his way to eternity. A tear in his eye and a smile on his lip. It was worth it, he saved him. Kakashi’s safe now. 

Now Tenzou catches himself in the Hokage’s office, his vision filled with black tiny spots and the pain in his chest a steady undesirable companion. He hears talk of peace and diplomatic niceties, false reassurances and underlying bitterness. Tenzou can taste the tension in the air, but that does nothing to appease the bright hope and determination in the Yondaime’s eyes and the easy smile on his face. He talks with confidence. Pleading but not begging, a real leader. Someone with the will of fire burning bright and certain. Soon enough the Raikage, proud and loud subsides into contemplation, a frown on his brows and a stern mouth, indicating that despite his best efforts in being stubborn he’s actually being convinced. “We all will benefit from a strong alliance between our countries. Further war and conflict will bring nothing but suffering. The time for raising arms has passed, the promise of a better future lies in this room tonight Raikage-sama.” 

And that scene repeated itself with different leaders representing different countries and carrying different symbols and convictions. But the ending was always the same, a commended handshake and promises of better and safer trading routes, military support, stability, hosting of grand historical events, inclusion, camaraderie and healthy rivalry. Peace.

In the same office Tenzou saw the Yondaime staying up late nights talking and studying Fuinjutsu, surrounded by inks, brushes, papers and scrolls. Sometimes he’s accompanied by the Sage Sannin, his sensei, Jiraya. Sometimes he’s teaching his son, a young man with his same blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. In another vision it’s just the Yondaime and Kakashi, and they look so happy and close to each other, exchanging glances and smiles, and lingering touches. They’re close, too close. Close enough to spark that ugly jealousy inside of him once again. Enough to rip apart the scenery and throw him into a cave. 

A deep, hollow cave, stale air filled with the stench of killing intent, a ceiling tall enough to surpass the giant stone statue residing on this place. It’s hideous, with a humanoid face and ten eyes, an open mouth sucking in a life force, pure energy, chakra. Tenzou then pushes through the pain to perceive several cloaked mens performing a powerful jutsu, and on the floor of the cave a small contorted body vomiting energy. A young girl with orange eyes and green hair. She’s dying, Tenzou instantly knows that whatever it is they’re doing to her, she won’t survive when they’re done. It doesn’t take long for things to change. Each time it’s a different body on the ground vomiting a different kind of chakra. Tenzou also notices the number of mens performing the ritual changes, there were fewer of them each time. Their faces are blurry, indistinguishable, all Tenzou can see it’s their cloaks. Black with a few red and white spots on it. The pain that was restricted to his chest now also goes to his head and it pierces his eyes, causing him to close them.

Tenzou tries to focus on his breathing, but there’s something wrong, like there’s no air to be pulled in. He can’t feel the feeling of his lungs being filled and he can’t hear the beating of his heart nor the buzzing flowing of his chakra. He opens his eyes once again and now he’s in a bedroom. He can see Kakashi talking to the Yondaime. There’s no sounds to be heard and everything else is fading, colorless. Tenzou focuses on Kakashi’s bare face. He’s smiling but it’s wrong. It’s so wrong. It’s not real. That’s not what he looks like. The jawline and the cheeks are correct but the small mole underneath his lips is missing and his lips are the wrong shape and color. It’s what Kakashi’s face would look like if someone imagined it. So this is an illusion, after all. Tenzou brings his hands in the seal and whispers ‘Kai’ with all the strength and will he can manage it through the pain. That causes the Yondaime to rapidly turn his face around and he faces Tenzou for the first time, his features scream confusion and weariness for a few seconds before he turns around once again and continues the conversation with Kakashi like nothing ever happened. Before trying to dispel the illusion again, Tenzou hears a deep voice speaking to him. “You don’t belong here, it’s time to go back.”

And with that the illusion world fades to black for the last time. 

<>

The hospital. Tenzou could be half dead, blind and mute and he would still recognize Konoha’s hospital. He’s been here too many times, as a patient and as a worried comrade and friend. He lost teammates while waiting on the cold, bleach stenched corridors, he felt pain, annoyance and relief while laying on the uncomfortable mattresses. He felt shame while wearing the not so modest hospital gowns too many times to even remember. So yes, that’s definitely where he is. Before he even opens his eyes, he can tell. The familiar sound of the steady beeping machines, the feeling of his dried throat and heavy lids, the needles perforating his skin to feed him liquids and nutrients through his veins. He takes a deep breath and it’s beyond relief that he notes how now he can actually feel air coming in, filling his lungs before being expelled out slowly through his mouth and nose. The beeping tells him his heart is beating once again and Tenzou never thought that that was something he would ever take for granted. He reaches inside to feel the familiar buzzing of his chakra, and it’s there, but it’s not all there is. It’s like instead of a lake, his deposits are now an ocean and if he will only reach further he will be able to draw something else, something more. But before he can try, he feels someone poking him and calling out to him.  
“Tenzou-san, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?”  
Tenzou wants to answer yes to both questions but he knows full well that all he can manage now it’s a disgruntled sound. He slowly opens his eyes and winces when the white bright light invades his body. Bad decision, he closes his eyes again and grunts once more to externalize that that was a bad decision.  
“Alright, take it easy. Welcome to the world of the living. You’re in the Konoha hospital. You suffered a fatal wound but, well, it clearly wasn’t that fatal for some reason. Your chakra was unstable for a while before settling down. You’ve been in a coma for 16 days but your body it’s fully healed and if we assess that there is no brain damage you can be released and fully return to duty. Here, drink this.”

Tenzou felt a cold gloved hand touching his neck and elevating his head, bringing a cup of fresh water to his lips. He held the cup with his own hand and Kami, did water always tasted this heavenly?  
“More…” He managed to say. His voice felt and sounded like sandpaper.  
The doctor gave him one more cup and when he was finished he felt confident enough to try and open his eyes again. This time it didn’t feel like a knife being buried in his eyeballs and he could distinguish colors and the shape of the man observing him with a curious look.   
“How are you feeling?”  
“Like I died.”  
“Fair enough. Get some more rest. I’ll come back tomorrow and we can talk some more.” With a squeeze on his shoulder the doctor left him alone to his thoughts.

But that hurt too. Thinking. So Tenzou slipped back down to the somewhat comfortable pillow and drifted off to sleep.

He woke up later when he could feel a chilling breeze invading the room. Everything was gloomy and silent, with the exception of the ever present beeping. He could see the moon high in the sky through the window and the faint chatter consuming the streets down below.  
Refocusing his eyes to analyze the room his heart startled when he saw a man standing by the open window on the far corner of the bedroom. Tenzou couldn’t feel him at all. Even the most expert shinobi couldn’t conceal themselves in such close proximity like that. The man was quiet and stood still like a stone statue. His skin was dark and he was muscular and tall, wearing casual dark pants and a white shirt. His face was stern and his posture was harsh and calculating.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?”  
“Tenzou? It’s me, Itachi…”

Tenzou startled and jerked his head at Itachi who was sitting beside his bed with a frown of worry on his face. Tenzou immediately turned his attention back to the man but before he could say anything else the man melted into the shadows and disappeared without a trace.  
“You were having a nightmare, Tenzou. But you’re awake now, you're in Konoha's hospital, safe. I’m here.”

Itachi’s soothing voice barely managed to calm Tenzou down, his heart still beating rapidly and his mind racing trying to come to terms with the possibility that he had just hallucinated. It made sense, somewhat. After all he did remember the dreams he just had, which were a whole level of crazy in itself, so in retrospect, seeing a man standing by his bed like a sentinel was actually the least disturbing scenery he witnessed. Which was, ironically, disturbing. 

When Itachi gently squeezed his hand, Tenzou was able to ground himself to the present and really look at his friend. Itachi had bags under his eyes that were aggravated by the shadows dancing across the room. But when Tenzou squeezed the hand back he could see a smile crossing his friend’s delicate features.   
When Tenzou asked for water he noticed how his throat was significantly less raspy and his voice came out reassuringly firmer than it did the last time he managed to speak. Itachi passed him a glass of water and resumed to sit patiently on his bedside.

“How are you feeling?”  
With a snort Tenzou repeated the answer he gave to the doctor earlier.   
“Like I died.”

Apparently the humor was lost on Itachi who suddenly became closed off and very angry looking. The faint smile on his lip disappeared completely to give space to a stern line and a burrowed frow. So Tenzou’s unfortunate comment only got a short “Hn” in response. Ah, yes, the signature Uchiha response. But Tenzou was honestly too tired to care at the moment, between dying and hallucinating, he could feel exhaustion clinging to his bones and he was already fast asleep once again, but not before he felt Itachi’s hands squeezing his one more time.

<>

The following days passed by on a haze. After another full day of bed rest and a little more poking by his doctor, Tenzou was released from the hospital feeling rested and healthy. Between his long naps and boring exams he barely managed to hold a real conversation with Itachi and very, very firmly decided not to think about the fact that he hasn’t seen Kakashi or that every time he tried to pry details out of what happened from someone, he got a shrug and a very rude change of subject. Outside of medical details about his condition, the events that took place 16 days before were kept from him in a very obvious and annoying manner.  
So when Tenzou finally managed to walk into his apartment he was equally fearful and relieved when a hawk tapped his window to request his presence at the Hokage’s office. Immediately. Tenzou also did not have a lot of time to think about anything. So when the memories of a passionate make out session on his senpai’s couch came to his mind and the fucking shit show that followed, he did what every normal hormone-induced teenager would do in this situation. He panicked.   
He could already tell the first question that the Hokage would ask. “Cat-san, mind telling me what the fuck were you doing practically naked (which by shinobi standards, that’s what he was) running aroung outside the village on the forest alone?” And that’s not even to mention the fact that he had to already kinda (definitely) be facing punishment for getting a teammate killed (Kami, that felt like forever ago). Looking back, Tenzou came to the conclusion that the fatidical day was indeed the shittiest one he ever had the displeasure of living through. Even the affectionate moments he shared with Kakashi made him wince at the memory. The way he ran away and managed to get himself killed. Oh, by the way, who the fuck were those guys?! 

There was also the very annoying fact that he was very much not dead. Not because he wasn’t glad for being alive, but for all intents and purposes, he was supposed to be dead. The nasty scar on his chest and back made it very hard to forget.   
Apparently, however, hawks were not trained in the art of waiting out a panic crisis and the bird was almost breaking through the glass by now, very angry at being ignored. He clearly just wanted to deliver the message and get on with his bird duties, thank you very much.  
So Tenzou took pity on the hawk, took the scroll and didn’t even bother to read it before making his way to the Hokage tower.

Now, remember how minutes ago he had come to the conclusion that the day he died was the shittiest one of his existence? The meeting that followed and the subsequent evening ensured that the day he finally was released from the hospital was a very close second (nothing beats dying, though).  
Because when he presented himself in front of the Hokage his whole body shivered when he noticed Kakashi’s presence. The relief he felt was mercilessly drowned when he realized that his Senpai was absolutely still, cold, closed off and distant. If he noticed Tenzou coming through the door at all, he didn’t show.

The only reason Tenzou didn’t just outright break into sobs was the chakra flare coming from the Hokage, who apparently didn’t take too kind in being ignored. Tenzou immediately fell down to his knees in a respectful bow and with a very shaky breath managed to whisper his salute, “Hokage-sama.”   
The flare surrounding him slowly faded and now with a gentler approach the Hokage addressed him. “I’m glad to see you well, Tenzou-san. However, I’m afraid there’s some concerning issues I must address. Regarding the events that took place 17 days ago, report.”

Tenzou considered being rude. ‘I died. And then I didn’t. Report on that, Hokage-sama.’

Tenzou considered being cold and distant (since apparently that was now a thing, right, Kakashi?) ‘After almost suffering a mental breakdown on the account of being directly responsible for the death of my team leader, I seeked emotional and physical comfort in the capable hands of my Taichou, Hound-taichou. After ruining his carpet with blood I showered at his bathroom, borrowed his clothes, drank the warm beverage he offered me and then proceeded to having another mental breakdown, which was resolved with a make out session, which in turn had an abrupt end when I suffered yet another mental breakdown on the account of relieving the painful memory of being abused as a child. That’s the part where I ran off to the woods, neglecting my shinobi weapons and armor, by the way, Hokage-sama.  
Then out of fucking nowhere, came two clowns that looked like were hunting me. I managed to confirm the identity of clown number 1, the nukenin Kisame whatever his last name is. Clown number 2’s identity, however, remains to be revealed. I managed to fight off the swordsmen but got immediately attacked by the second man. Chakra depleted I was 5 seconds from comitting suicide to keep my body from falling into enemy hands, but before I could I noticed Hound-Taichou approaching the scene. When I realized that my teammate’s life was in danger I jumped in front of the attack and got killed for my efforts. End of report. Oh, no, wait. I forgot to mention the very questionable fashion choice made by the enemies. End of report.’

Tenzou considered being desperate, which was the most honest reaction in this situation ‘Kakashi, please look at me. Please somebody tell me what the fuck happened.

In the end, however, Tenzou couldn’t even open his mouth to plead or to curse or to scream. So he just lowered his head further and waited.

The hokage took pity on him and at least gave him something to go on. “Kakashi-san already gave me his full report. Do you confirm being in his apartment that evening?”  
Tenzou nodded.  
“Do you confirm being in a fragile emotional state on that particular evening?”  
Tenzou winced. ‘Kami, thanks Kakashi’. But then, Tenzou nodded.  
“You’re going to have to use your own words now, Tenzou-san. What happened after you exited Kakashi’s apartment?”

Tenzou took a deep breath and not bothering to look up he calmly recollected the events, trying his best to keep his snarky and angry commentaries out of his report. When he finished the room was silent for a long time and when Tenzou looked up he noticed, for the first time the presence of one Nara Shikaku - the jonin commander - and Yamanaka Inoichi, also known around the village as a glorified shrink.  
There was clearly a silent conversation being held by the Hokage and the two men, and Kakashi stood like a marble statue, unmoved, behind his Hound mask and wearing his ANBU uniform. His shoulders were tense and his posture erect, like a proper shinobi. For once, his hands were not buried on his pockets and were also not holding a certain pornographic book. Tenzou didn’t know whether to feel relieved or extremely alarmed at that fact. 

“Are you sure one of them said they wanted you alive?”  
“Yes, Hokage-sama.”

“Have you ever had any contact with either of those men before?”  
“Never, Hokage-sama.”  
“Do you have any clues as to why you were specifically targeted?”

In all the comotion, the whole ‘we need him alive’ line almost escaped Tenzou’s mind. Thinking back, Tenzou remembers having the feeling that the whole fight was sloppy and started out by an impulse. They knew who he was, and they certainly were not surprised by his mokuton, but they couldn't possibly have planned an ambush, since Tenzou blindly stumbled on that particular place by chance.  
“I believe they saw an opportunity to capture a mokuton user, Hokage-sama. But I’m certain I was not the reason they were in the area in the first place.”

The room atmosphere grew even darker after his answer. To have dangerous foreign shinobi lurking around Konoha undetected for an unknown reason is a very alarming situation. Not that Tenzou had the clearance to deal with any of that, as evident by his dismissal seconds after he finished talking.

“Very well, Tenzou-san. I don’t think I need to remind you that you’re still on a probation period, but given the latest events and your blatant lack of cautiousness, you’re to remain in light patrol duty for the foreseeable future and be, at all times, under the supervision of a higher rank shinobi. Report for duty in two days. You have a very good record inside ANBU, Tenzou-san. I would recommend that you use this time of stability that you’ve just been given to care for your affairs and keep yourself in check in order to prevent any further incidents like the ones we just discussed from happening again. You’re dismissed.”

Ouch. Tenzou could not, for the life of him, understand what the hell was happening. ‘light patrol duty under supervision’ is reserved for those who are suspected of treason or rookies with bad attitudes. So, again. Ouch. And not to mention the rude and gratuitous jab at his mental health that he very wisely chose to ignore.

Suppressing the shiver who threatened to shake his body and the gag reflex that rose to his throat, Tenzou graciously got up, bowed once again and left the room feeling extremely miserable and betrayed.

<>

Back in his apartment Tenzou made two wooden clones. Normally he wouldn’t be so careless in wasting chakra, but since he knew he would be able to sleep it off for the next couple of days he took a chance. One of the clones was in charge of cleaning up his apartment and the other went to the market to get food to prepare dinner. Besides the poor excuse of a meal that Tenzou had in the hospital the day before, he honestly did not remember the last time he sat down to eat something other than a ration bar. Needless to say he was starving.  
When the wooden clone was done with the bathroom Tenzou took the time to bathe and he shamelessly filled the tub with all of the salts and fragrances he could find. Once his clones were done with the cleaning up and preparing his meal, they dispeled themselves and Tenzou got hit with the memories. He also took note on how, curiously, not tired he felt. Unlike a common clone, his wooden clones took a lot of chakra and focus to maintain, and over the years he found that two were his absolute limit. Normally he would be feeling borderline useless after receiving his clone's memories, but this time all he felt was the rush of information being received. He remembered how when he woke in the hospital, his chakra reserves were significantly bigger than it was before. Something happened when he died and all of his efforts in relaxing with a bath went down the drain along with the water. He still had no answers. Before doing something stupid like going after Kakashi and beating answers out of his senpai, he took a deep breath and focused on the task at hand. Eating and getting more rest. He wouldn’t have the patience to deal with more than that anyway.

So after he finished his meal, he went to his balcony, took care of his plants, infusing chakra on the ones who were almost withering due to his absence, and watered the ones who were fine. Nothing calmed Tenzou down faster than caring for his garden. He then got one of the trashy novels he bought in one of his missions outside the village and laid down on the small bench he made for his balcony. 

The book writing was fairly decent with a fast pace and a humorous tone made that book one of Tenzou’s favorites. The main plot consisted of a fair lady who lost everything in the war. In order to reconstruct her village she set out into the world to train and learn how to be a proper ruler and a fierce warrior. When Tenzou bought the book, the cashier told him how the main character could punch through walls like the legendary sannin, Tsunade.   
Halfway through the book, when the main character was about to meet her romantic pair, Tenzou dozed off. And then the nightmares that would become the bane of his existence for the foreseeable future came.

He was in an abandoned temple on the far limits of Konoha, near to where the Uchiha compound was built, it was nighttime and all he could hear was the low chirping of some crickets. He was hiding on top of a tree and he could see and feel ANBU agents swarming the place. In the main entrance of the temple stood Danzou and a young man. Tenzou immediately noticed the pretty outline of the boy’s dark eyes. His black spiky hair and the Uchiha crest on the back of his shirt betrayed his identity. An Uchiha. Tenzou had a bad feeling about this. Very bad. The sick obsession that Danzou had with the sharingan made this reunion specially disturbing.   
He was right. In less than five minutes of conversation between them, the Root agents - not ANBU - prepared themselves to corner and attack the young Uchiha. Tenzou wanted to call out and warn the Uchiha but his body felt like it was anchored to the ground. He couldn’t move or talk. All he could do was watch in horror the second that Danzou ruthlessly poked one eye out of the boy’s skull. They fought, and the Uchiha was incredibly fast but Danzou had years of experience and cunning under his belt. Not to mention the element of surprise and the backup of his agents.  
Next thing he knew Tenzou was standing near a cliff, next to the waterfall of the Nara river. He saw the boy with blood on his face meeting up with Itachi and giving his remaining eye to him, right before he threw himself backwards and fell to his death. Tenzou wanted to wake up now, so, so badly. But like when he was in the hospital, he had no control over what he saw, and now it was no different. He had to endure watching Itachi kneeling down and calling out the boy’s name for what it felt like a long time. Shisui.

But apparently the Root agents were still in pursuit, and before they could arrive on their location Itachi sensed them and turned into a murder of crows that rapidly dissipated.   
Next thing he knew, Tenzou was standing in a large room inside of a house. He saw Itachi standing behind his kneeled parents. He was crying and shaking and holding tightly to his tanto. Tenzou saw the resigned faces of both mother and father. Why aren’t they fighting back?! Why did they just allow themselves to be slayed by their first born? 

Not too long after their bodies fell lifeless to the ground, Tenzou heard the door sliding and Itachi’s little brother ran inside, scared to death. But what caught Tenzou’s attention was the figure standing behind Sasuke. The man from the hospital. And for the first time, he spoke.  
“You owe me a soul.” 

Tenzou violently woke up, heart beating fast and trying desperately to catch his breath. He was back in his balcony, his book sprayed on the ground and the last orange and red rays of sunshine were slowly fading to dark blue and black. He took in the smell of his flowers and heard a low knock on his front door.  
Itachi.  
“Good evening, Tenzou-kun. I hope I didn’t disturb your rest. I just wanted to drop by and see how you’ve been doing.” 

It was hard for Tenzou to distinguish the kind and polite figure in front of him from the kin murderer of his nightmares. It felt so real. None of the nightmares and visions of his coma held that level of clarity and focus.  Noticing Tenzou’s distress, Itachi quickly muttered an apology and was taking his leave when Tenzou snapped out of his haze and opened the door to let Itachi in. He desperately needed the company.  
“Don’t be silly, I’m fine. Come in, please. Make yourself comfortable while I’ll make us some tea.”   
Itachi chose to sit on the stool counter in the kitchen to make conversation while Tenzou prepared their tea. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look a bit pale. Have you eaten anything after you left the hospital?”   
“I’m ok, Itachi. Thanks for checking in. I’m just having some nightmares lately that are specially vicious. But I ate and rested and I’m feeling brand new. You don’t need to worry about me.”

After tea was served Tenzou made small conversation for a while, asking about the latest gossip of the village and everything important that happened while he was… indisposed. Apparently his unfortunate encounter with two powerful shinobis were the main subject of the village for a week. He finally pried out of Itachi that one of Kakashi’s ninken fetched Itachi and took him to the woods where the fighting was taking place.  
“Kakashi-senpai was holding your body and the enemies were nowhere to be seen. I... You see, when a sharingan user witnesses the death of a friend or a loved one, the trauma can be grave enough to awaken what we call the Mangekyou Sharingan. It’s a more evolved version of the Sharingan and it can be very powerful. You’re someone very dear to me, Tenzou-kun. My first friend outside the Uchiha clan. When I saw you dead my mangekyou manifested and the shock of it made me pass out. Which is the reason why I don’t really know why it is that you’re alive. Kakashi-senpai probably did something, but whatever it was it’s being held as an S-rank secret. He won’t tell me anything and there’s already rumors being spread on how your supposed fatal wound was grossly exaggerated by the first responders.”

Itachi was always very good at hiding away his reactions and emotions behind an impassive facade. Right now, however, Tenzou noticed how his friend’s hands and entire body were slightly shaking. Tenzou put down his mug and held Itachi in an awkward embrace. The Uchiha didn’t respond to it but also didn’t pull away, which was encouragement enough and Tenzou slowly raised his hand and started caressing Itachi’s long hair.   
“I’m sorry. I’m ok now.”   
Itachi only then hesitantly put one of his hands on Tenzou’s back, and they stayed like that until Itachi’s body completely stopped shaking. To try and lighten up the mood, Tenzou tried to force a smile and force a joke out “So ‘special powers’, huh? Who’s to say your eyes weren’t the reason for my miraculous resuscitation?” 

Tenzou expected an angry frown in response to his awful commentary or even a tight small smile if he was really lucky, but what he did not expect was the contemplative thoughtful look Itachi gave him.  
“I woke up later in the hospital on the same day with my chakra reserves completely full. You'd think that something of that magnitude would take its toll. I asked around the clan and after some research I reached the conclusion that no, my eyes didn't have anything to do with your miraculous resuscitation".  
"Oh. So how many Uchihas developed it?"  
"Hm, it’s actually a very rare occurrence, only a select few were known to have it. Besides me and my cousin only Uchiha Madara and his brother were known to have it. There's also a rumor that Kakashi-senpai also developed it after he killed his teammate, but the clan was never able to confirm it and I’m pretty sure it’s not something I can just ask him.”   
“Right, because nothing is ever easy when it comes to Kakashi.” The line probably sounded bitter than Tenzou anticipated because it made Itachi raise an inquisitive eyebrow.

Tenzou blushed and turned his attention to his empty mug. ‘Please don’t ask, please don’t ask.’  
“So... what happened between you two?”  ‘Shit. Do I tell him?’ 

Clearly Kakashi is not gonna bother with Tenzou anymore, and how could he after the awful reaction he had. But Itachi was always so good at putting things in perspective and his dramatic “love” life was less painful to think about than the nightmares and secrets plaguing him.  
“Umm, we kissed.”  
“Oh. That bad, huh?”  
“What?”  
“I mean, it must’ve been pretty bad if it made you run off like that.”   
“Oh, no. It wasn’t bad at all, on the contrary, I quite enjoyed it.” Tenzou could feel the heat in his ears, chest and cheeks but it’s not because things didn’t work out that he wanted Kakashi to have the fame of a bad kisser. Not that Itachi would ever tell anyone, but Tenzou still felt the need to defend his senpai.  
“So, what happened? Did he hurt you?”  
“No! It wasn’t his fault. I just…” The deep sigh and the way Tenzou was meddling with his hair and avoiding eye contact made Itachi want to press the subject further.  
“What is it, Tenzou?”  
“I just, as you know, I don’t have experience with that sort of thing. That was actually my first kiss, but erm… It turns out it wasn’t my first time having that sort of intimate, you know.”

The confusion in Itachi’s eyes made it very clear that he, in fact, did not know.  
“Kami, I had sex when I was a kid, alright? It was for a mission, I honestly don’t even remember what kind of information I retrieved. But you know, it was a honeypot mission and, yea, I had sex. But it was awful and I kinda… My mind just sort of completely forgot about it, until I, you know…”  
“Until you had sex with Kakashi-senpai?”  
“No, it didn’t get that far. I freaked out before it could and that’s when I ran away. Which must’ve made him so confused, because I was the one who kissed him first. Shit, no wonder he’s avoiding me like the plague.”  
“It’s not right, Tenzou. Don’t blame yourself.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Kakashi-senpai can be worse than you and I put together when it comes to dealing with these kinds of situations. He can be very difficult. But whatever it is he’s going through, doesn’t excuse the fact that he should have been there for you. That he should be here for you.”  
“He doesn’t owe me anything. It’s fine, Itachi. Whatever illusion I had of being involved with him… It was just that. And anyway, I have more important things to deal with right now, like regaining the Hokage’s trust, for once.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”  
“Yes, don’t worry about me.”

They fell into a comfortable silence for a while, not ready to engage in conversation and not yet ready to part ways. The whole mangekyou sharingan thing made Tenzou’s heart beat faster. He definitely had to analyze the whole situation better. But…   
“Itachi… Your eyes… Do they look different now?”  
“Oh, yes. It’s no longer just the three tomoe. Mine are now a sort of triquetra with an empty disk in the middle.”  
“So you can activate it whenever you wish?”  
“Yes, but I was told it’s not recommended to overuse it. Long exposure leaves its user blind. It’s a whole thing.”

Tenzou tried very hard to not think about his dreams. But having Itachi so open and willing to share information was too good of an opportunity to pass. So pushing his luck one last time Tenzou dared to ask.  
“Do you know an Uchiha named Shisui?”  
Itachi made a rare expression of surprise. “Yes, he’s the cousin I just told you about. That also has the mangekyou.”

_ 'Is he alive with both eyes intact? _ '

“Is he… ok?” Nice one, Tenzou. Very subtle. Not even years of Root training were able to suppress wincing at the question he just made.  
“Um, yes… I saw him yesterday while I was out training with Sasuke. How do you know him?”  
“I don’t. I just heard someone talking about him.”  
“What were they saying?”

Leave it to Itachi to actually have a lot to say in the worst time possible.

“That he’s fast?” Tenzou remembered how the kid seemed to teleport from place to place and manage it to actually lose Root agents that were in his tail enough time to… well, have a heart to heart conversation with Itachi, rip his remaining eye out and commit suicide.  
“Oh, yes. That’s his signature move. He values speed over physical strength.”  
“I see.”  
“I could introduce you, if you’re interested.”

The light blush on Itachi’s face made Tenzou hesitate for a moment, but if he could meet the man instead of the ghost maybe it would help him to push away those images from his mind. Who knows, maybe the real Shisui it’s nothing like the man Tenzou imagined it, and those nightmares he was having were just that. Nightmares. A man can hope, right?

“Ok, sure.”

The silence between them was no longer comfortable now and it took Itachi less than a minute to wish Tenzou well, say some excuse about how late it was getting and how Tenzou should get some rest and soon he was out the door, leaving only a dirty mug behind as proof of him ever being there at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Between itachi, tenzo and kakashi they manage to accumulate one brain cell of emotional intelligence.


	10. A Broken Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi gets his shit together and goes to see Tenzou

Kakashi was angry. Like not even Icha Icha can lighten his mood now angry. Needless to say having his arms and shoulders pecked by a fucking crow was not making him any less angry.   
“Fuck, Itachi, stop!”  
The little Uchiha just invaded his home one evening out of fucking nowhere and started attacking an unsuspicious Kakashi for no apparent reason. Treasonous little shit. But no matter how angry Kakashi was, Itachi was equally pissed off.  
“You need to get over yourself and go see him. Now.”  
“No, Itachi, I can’t.”

Another crow pecked him. No one could blame Kakashi for taking a kunai out and burying it in the bird’s eye, right?   
“There’s something wrong with him, Senpai, I’m worried. And I betrayed his trust so now he won’t even open up to me anymore. He’s pale and he lost a concerning amount of weight. You need to do something.” Not even losing a crow to a kunai stopped Itachi from conjuring a new one and resuming his assault on the infuriating knucklehead of a man that was standing in front of him.  
“What did you do to him?”  
“It doesn’t matter… All it matters is that he’s alone now, so you need to go to him.”

Another peck, this time on his chest.  
“Itachi, I swear in the name of the Sage if you do that again I will put you on guard duty for a year.”  
“I’ll make captain soon and then you won’t be my superior anymore. And even if you were I’d gladly take the punishment if that helped Tenzou get better. I don’t know what kind of self absorbed bullshit you have going on inside of your head but if you think that by staying away you’re keeping him from hurting, you’re far from the genius people make you out to be.”

Itachi was tired. He was by no means the most qualified person on giving advice on how to deal with feelings and trauma, so if he had to resort to violence and losing a few dear summons to help his friend, who was very clearly not well, he would. But before he could order his crow to peck Kakashi’s dick, the man actually acquiesced and agreed to go see Tenzou.   
By now a couple of months had already passed since Tenzou’s release from the hospital and the two of them were still nowhere near having a mature conversation like two adults should do. 

Not that it was Tenzou’s fault.   
It was absolutely Kakashi’s fault.  
Itachi was certain of it.

Hell, he’ll order the crow to peck his captain’s tender parts anyway just for good measure. Kakashi, however, being the elite shinobi he was, sensed the imminent danger immediately and shunshined away before Itachi could act on his killing intent.

<>

It’s not that he didn’t want to go see Tenzou. He absolutely did, and maybe the reason he was so angry and in a foul mood the last couple of months was the fact that he just couldn’t. Maybe. He was absolutely sure it was for the best. Maybe. When Kakashi performed the jutsu he didn’t expect to survive the ordeal. His hope was that Tenzou would wake up and live his life free of the burden of having friend-killer Kakashi around. The nickname suited him, he didn’t even blame people anymore for calling him that. Three is definitely a pattern. Kakashi had just managed to put in his head that Minato’s and Kushina’s death was not, in any way, his fault, when he saw Tenzou giving his life away for him. Needless to say, that fucked him up.   
So when he woke up in the hospital almost three months ago after being absolutely sure he would not survive, he almost took a big needle of whatever that chemical was and buried it in himself. The only thing that stopped him was seeing the Hokage smoking his pipe and being told Tenzou was alive but in a coma. Not even a romance novelist would be able to describe and enumerate the feelings and sensations Kakashi experienced in a span of 5 seconds. Relief gave room to guilt, self-loathing, doubt, which were in turn, drowned by happiness, uncertainty, curiosity and at last, certainty. Those were the feelings Kakashi was successfully able to discern after months of putting some thought into it. The certainty that he should absolutely stay the fuck away from Tenzou was the feeling that lingered on harder in his heart. Of course that taking advantage of his kouhai’s emotional state would end up in a major fuck up. Kakashi was also ashamed. The way Tenzou ran off scared, vulnerable and weaponless only to fall into the hands of some dangerous shinobi. Kakashi was also livid, for all that he trains and dedicates himself, he still failed in doing the one thing he promised Obito he would do. Protect his friends. He didn’t even manage to land a single punch on the fucker before Tenzou died to protect him. That spear was meant for him, and him alone. 

But for some magical reason, Tenzou was alive and so was he. He was pretty sure he never managed to complete the jutsu and he very specifically remembers an angry looking shinigami cutting off the connection in between his pleads.  
Long hours in the S-rank archives weren’t enough to give him a plausible explanation on why it worked. Discussing the jutsu at length with the Hokage also failed in bringing light to their problems. He had to tell the Hokage, of course. As soon as he woke up in the hospital he was bombarded with questions of how, when and why. An attack this close to home was worrying and there was no time for rest and lies. Kakashi also knew that when - if - Tenzou woke up he would receive the same treatment and not being able to communicate with each other would make it impossible for them to fabricate a story. So Kakashi told the truth. The only thing he refrained from reporting was the kiss he had shared with Tenzou. “What caused him to run away so distressed like that, then? No weapons, no clothes?” was the next obvious question. He felt guilty and disgusted at himself at how he threw Tenzou under the bus to hide his own shame. Something along the lines of “emotional distress”, was his answer. 

As if all of that wasn’t bad enough, when Tenzou finally did wake up, no one bothered to tell Kakashi. He had to find out the worst possible way. Seeing Tenzou walking into the Hokage’s office, lean and pale and definitely scared. He reeked of fear and Kakashi swore to himself to never get close to anyone again, for having to pretend he didn’t even notice his little kouhai and ignore him as if he was nothing but a naughty subordinate took the last shreds of humanity away from him.  
He wanted to reach out and comfort Tenzou, so much. And the Hokage was ruthless and cruel “it’s suspicious that he encountered two missing nins just outside of our gates.” He suspected it was a planned encounter, where Tenzou tried to help the enemy get into Konoha for a sneak attack or to trade secrets. He was under suspicion of treason. It doesn’t matter that he saved the life of a fellow leaf shinobi, his actions were confusing and therefore he was supposed to be put under surveillance. Kakashi fought back, he tried. He threatened leaving ANBU, threatened telling Naruto the truth all to no avail. In a few minutes the Hokage was burying him under his chakra and Kakashi saw no point in committing treason while ironically trying to prove that Tenzou was not a traitor. 

So now, he was half grateful and half enraged at Itachi for making him do this. Confront Tenzou. He would go see his little kouhai, tell him to eat something and have some rest and pray to the Sage that that would be enough.   
However, the minute Kakashi jumped to Tenzou’s balcony and laid eyes on his kouhai he knew that the heavens would never be as merciful. Tenzou was an absolute wreck. He looked like he just came back from a battlefield as a lone survivor. His hair was tied in a messy bun, the bags underneath his eyes were so deep and almost black against his white ghoulish skin that made Tenzou look like an actual cadaver. The fact that he indeed lost a lot of weight only added to the severity of his appearance. As if that was not enough he reeked of alcohol. 

He was sitting in his outdoor hanging chair with a cup of sake on one hand and wrapped around a heavy blanket. The little lanterns and lights he so proudly hung around when he first moved in were turned off and he was only visible due to the faint lamp posts down the street. Even in the dark Kakashi could see how the little garden Tenzou cultivated was much less green than the last time Kakashi was here. Most of the plants were withering and its leaves held a yellowish rotten tone. Itachi was not kidding. This is bad. Seeing his kouhai in such a state threw Kakashi right back into the past, waking up at night sweaty and gasping for air, seeing blood where there was none. Avoiding sleep like the plague with the illusion that maybe, just maybe, if he didn’t fall asleep again he wouldn’t have to face his ghosts.  
Standing there staring at his most recent failure on a cold and starless autumn night reminded Kakashi that you cannot run away from your past. It will always catch up to you. 

Tenzou was so lost in thought that Kakashi was unsure if his presence was acknowledged. If Tenzou noticed he was there, he clearly didn’t care.  With trembling hands Kakashi walked inside the living room and turned on the light switch for the little lights on the balcony that Tenzou was so fond of.  
The difference in the lighting made Tenzou finally look up to Kakashi, if only for a second, only to ask in an almost indistinct whisper “what are you doing here?”  
“Itachi was worried.”

Tenzou drank all of the contents of his cup in a single gulp and proceeded to fill it up again with the bottle that was standing on the ground near him and then returned to ignoring Kakashi’s presence.  
“Have you eaten anything lately? You don’t look so good.”

Apparently, basically telling someone that they look like shit it’s the wrong thing to say, even if it was in a somewhat polite manner. Tenzou took the bottle, the cup and his blanket and walked out of the balcony and into his living room, locking the door behind him, turning off the lights and leaving Kakashi alone in the dark without even looking back.

<>

The nightmares were, predictably, getting worse. Apparently fervently ignoring a problem didn’t make it go away. Tch, who would’ve thought.  The last couple of ones were particularly vicious.

In one of them he was looking down on an older version of him. He was in a dark cave and surrounded by uncountable roots of a giant white tree. His older self was buried and binded by those same roots and was so thin that you could see the bones on his cheek. He was clearly here for a long time. Forgotten, abandoned. Being used, abused. His life force being sucked out of him, though never enough to kill him. What dark and cruel force was keeping him alive was a mystery. It was a short dream. But the implications of it stirred something deep and ugly inside Tenzou’s heart. Seeing himself hopelessly captured at the hands of the enemy, neglected and useless, knowing that this was what the future held for him pushed Tenzou down a dark path. He had half a mind to just offing himself right now just so he could never end in such a pitiful position. What could he possibly have done to deserve being thrown into a dark cave to never see light again? Worth enough to be kept alive, but not enough to be rescued.

When Tenzou woke up after that dream he decided sleep was overrated. That was two weeks after he woke up from the hospital.

In between very short naps he managed to keep the dreams at bay. In the long term it absolutely wrecked his body. The exhaustion that took deep root in his bones brought his appetite down. Nothing he would eat would stay in his stomach long enough to be digested. So he stopped eating too. Ration bars and chakra pills were enough. It was worth it. At least the nightmares were gone. That was until Itachi, in a foolish attempt to help, drugged Tenzou’s tea “just so he would sleep long enough to regain his senses.” The two hours of sleep he managed to endure were colorfully filled with images of a destroyed battlefield, an endless night and the sight and smell of thousands of corpses drained of their chakras by an impossible creature. A pale woman-looking creature that relished in killing and draining every last bit of life that it could put it’s filthy claws in.   
The panic attack that followed after that nightmare left Tenzou shaking, weak and responseless for hours afterwards. Needless to say, Itachi was no longer welcomed into his home.

However, there was only so much his body could endure before giving up to exhaustion. In the nights where Tenzou knew he wouldn’t be able to make it through without falling asleep, he started drinking. He found that alcohol helped somewhat. He could sleep for almost four hours each time before any nightmare would begin creeping in.  
So on one particularly exhausting Saturday at noon, Tenzou prepared his sake bottle and went to his faithful hanging chair on the balcony. The light swoon of it helped to soothe him somehow and in the company of a bottle Tenzou would spend most of his not working hours just sitting on the balcony dozing on and off. Torn between picking apart the meaning of his dreams and absolutely not thinking about anything at all. He much prefered having his mind drifting off to a numb peace but unfortunately that only happened when the amount of exhaustion was high enough. And so when the lights of his balcony suddenly turned on he realized he was there drinking and sitting down doing and thinking about nothing for what must’ve been at least 8 hours, judging by the height of the moon in the sky. The haze caused by the alcohol and tiredness kept him from having any reaction when he noticed Kakashi standing on his balcony looking infuriatingly calm and pristine.

Tenzou could just ignore him but that never really worked on Kakashi. Speaking loud enough for Kakashi to hear he asked what he was doing here. When the man's only response was a dry "Itachi was worried", Tenzou tried very hard to not throw his filled cup in the man's face. With his impaired vision and hazy mind it would hardly hit the target, so instead Tenzou did the smart thing and just continued with his drinking. Lately he hasn't been very sharp. Between alcohol induced sleep and no sleep at all he was barely working on a functional level. But the conclusion that came to him, clear as the sake he was drinking, was that he did not deserve nor would be able to put up with Kakashi’s bullshit. So when the next words that came out of the man's mouth were, unsurprisingly, bullshit, Tenzou decided to take his chances with the nightmares. They were honestly less fucking confusing than Kakashi. So he took his bottle, cup and faithful blanket and made his way towards his bed

Unfortunately not even the alcohol and his exhaustion kept him from having his worst dream yet.

  
He was running through a forest and he was desperate because something deep inside was telling him that he wouldn’t be fast enough. He had to be fast enough, he was the only one who could stop it. The seal on the palm of his right hand started burning and warned him that time was running out. When he arrived on the part of the forest where he was supposed to see Konoha’s main gates he stopped immediately. Confused and still desperate. He couldn’t possibly be wasting time getting lost, he had to get to Konoha immediately. But he knew the path back home by heart by then. This was Konoha. This was the gates. Or rather, what was left of it. He approached the giant crater that was once his village, his home. There was nothing but rubber and corpses lying around. Hundreds of shinobis and thousands of civilians dead, just like that. And Tenzou wasn’t here to help, wasn’t here to fall along with his comrades, defending his home until his last breath.  
There were a few people trying to unbury their loved ones out of the dirt. Some of them carried around a small white and blue slug on top of their shoulders. Tenzou forced himself to walk around to try and understand how. What or who could’ve possibly been powerful enough to level the biggest hidden village in a matter of hours. When he was walking near the ground where the academy stood his heart was caught in his chest when he took notice of a dirty silver head coming out of the ground. His body went completely cold and he barely managed to keep the bile inside of his throat. Buried amongst a pile of rubber and dirt, head hanging by the neck was the lifeless body of one Hatake Kakashi. His otherwise grey hair was painted in red and dusty brown messily spread around his face and covering his eyes, his hitai-ate nowhere to be seen. Long and thick streaks of blood ran down his forehead and cheeks. Tenzou kneeled down in front of him and slowly started taking out the heavy cobblestones and bricks surrounding his body. Once done, he held Kakashi’s corpse close to his heart and brushed the silver hair away from his face with shaky weak fingers. A tall figure stepped in front of him blocking out the sun. He didn’t have to look up to know who it was.

“Why are you showing me this?”  
“So you’ll be motivated enough to pay your debt to me. Because of you I lost a soul that was in my care. As long as that soul resides inside of you, I cannot reclaim it. When I came to this realm to take back what was mine it came to my attention that this world is set onto a path of destruction and complete consumption. There will be no living things left for me to claim. This goes against my nature, and I wish to stop it. Become my servant and representative in this Earth and I will release you from my debt once you die.”  
“What would you have me do?”  
“The events I’ve been recently showing you are prominent in the timeline that you’re currently part of. Which means if you’re able to stop this from happening, it could lead to a different outcome and therefore keep this world from falling into oblivion.”  
“Who are you?”   
“I’m the shinigami.”  
“I accept your offer. Tell me what to do.”  
“That, I cannot do. I do not understand the inner working of this world. I can only show you what is coming. That has to be enough.”  
“Is there a way I can choose to see and focus these things instead of you just showing me random images?”  
“It is not possible. I can however ease the frequency with which I invade your dreams and focus on the events that are more close to happening so you know which actions to take first and foremost. I truly hope, for both of our sakes, that you’re up to this task. Once you succeed in making a change I will come to you. I suggest you find allies for this endeavor. I’m afraid there’s only so much change a person alone can make. And don’t forget, you belong to me until you die.”

And with that the sun shone once again and the man was gone but the body on Tenzou’s arms moved and he could see Kakashi slowly opening his eyes and his hands touched Tenzou’s face for a second before he was dragged back to reality.  
For better or for worse, when he woke up he knew he would be able to sleep in peace. And the relief that flooded him along the horrifying visions of Kakashi dead in his arms broke through his fragile barriers and he sobbed loudly and painfully hoping that the tears would cleanse some of the hurt away. He barely registered the morning sun coming through his window and the faint smell of cooking coming from his kitchen. He could not make sense of anything right now, all he could do was focus on his breathing and wait for the tears to subside. 

When he thought he was beginning to go back to a silent cry, the door of his bedroom opened and Kakashi was there. Alive. Pink cheeks and a worried frown. A beating heart, a warm body pulsating with chakra and energy. Tenzou no longer had any control of his body, rational mind long forgotten. And so the sobbing came back stronger than ever and all he was able to do was reach out to the very much alive man in front of him. Maybe the shinigami took pity on him, finally, after torturing and pestering him with nightmares for these past couple of months and sent Kakashi in his direction. Just this once he would allow himself to just enjoy it. He would deal with any possible fallout later, once he had his brain functions back to human capacity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, Kakashi is not a heartless bastard. He just cares too much and that makes his brain go stupid. Same thing goes for Itachi. He tries his best, I swear.


End file.
